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Medicine Reflections on Life, Being Human, and Medicine

The Curtains – Or – Mike’s 1st Lesson in Change Management

I needed curtains for my examination room.

I was working at the Sewell’s Point clinic. It was in the early 90s when I was an active duty U. S. Navy doctor. The problem was that the exam table was visible as I opened the door. Every time I entered the room, I exposed my undressed patient to everyone in the hallway.

I needed a curtain that could be pulled between the exam table and the door. It seemed like such a simple thing.

They sent the person in charge of facilities and requisitions to me. He had me fill out a form (“chit” in military jargon). It was 5 layers thick with carbon paper between each layer. I had to press hard to fill in all of the spots on the form. I worked through the lengthy form. When I had it finished, I gave it back to him and asked him to look it over. He told me that it looked fine.

“You will never see these curtains by the way.”

I asked him, “Why not?”

“You will like be out of the military or moved on before this request is processed and approved.  That is just the way things work.”

“Is there anything I can do to accelerate this? I really just need one curtain.”

“Nope!” he said as he walked away.

I spoke with one of my corpsmen to explain what happened. “Don’t worry doc, I’ll take care of it,” HM1 Jones reassured me. The next day I came to work and there was a very nice little moveable divider wall in my exam room. It was quite effective. It did exactly what I wanted. 

“Where did this come from?” I asked him. 

“Don’t ask doc.  Just be happy with it.” 

He did tell me that he had overnight watch and that sometimes you just need to conveniently reappropriate things from one area to another in the military. 

I didn’t ask any more questions and went on working. All was good for about 2 years. I had my divider and I was happy. And then one day a crew of people showed up with tape measures and tools. The next thing I know my divider was gone and in its place was a very nice and new curtain. In fact, all the exam rooms on the hallway now had nice curtains up.

I asked what had happened.  Perhaps my requisition had done some good. 

Nope. 

It was all about an impending Joint Commission visit. The CO of the clinic had staged a mock visit using the clinic staff. They walked around the clinic and watched operations. As they went through the clinics, they watched the naked patients being exposed to the hallway when the doors were opened. Suddenly there was a crisis. This was an emergency. They could not have this problem when the Joint Commission came through in the next week. Immediately the money was approved to go outside the normal pathways and to go to a local store and buy the supplies and just get the curtains up.

And so, I had a very important lesson into change management.

The lesson has been repeated over and over through the years. As an agent of change, it is hard to get things moving. But change management teaches us that the first step is to, “Create Urgency.” You need to get people to feel the strong need for change. Sometimes you just have to invent a crisis. But you need to somehow get people to move out of the inaction that keeps positive change from happening. There is a momentum that inhibits us. We need to overcome that. 

Sometimes this is referred to as a “burning platform.” 

That term comes from a tragic disaster on an oil platform in the North Sea. At 9:55 pm on July 8, 1988, an explosion occurred and the entire platform was engulfed in flames. More than 200 workers were trapped on the platform. Ultimately 167 people died. Andy Mochan was one of the men trapped on the platform. He jumped into the icy waters more than 150 feet below. He knew that he would only survive about 30 minutes in the water unless he were rescued. When he was asked about his decision, he said he was faced with little choice. He either needed to, “jump or be fried.” As much as he didn’t want to jump, he was forced to make a change because he had to.

It is this sense of a strong and pressing need that can force people from the status quo to what needs to be done to counter change.

It reminds me of the history of heart transplant.  On December 2, 1967, Christian Barnard performed the world’s first heart transplant. The patient was Louis Washansky and he lived for only 18 days before he passed away from complications. In talking about the patient’s decision to get a heart transplant, Barnard later wrote, “For a dying man it is not a difficult decision because he knows he is at the end. If a lion chases you to the bank of a river filled with crocodiles, you will leap into the water, convinced you have a chance to swim to the other side.”

All stories aside, it is an important principle to understand.  It is amazing to me how the impossible becomes possiblewhen a crisis arises. Resources and abilities become available that you can be told absolutely don’t exist until there is a strong motivation for change.

The military had messed up my pay. In fact, they had messed up a lot of people’s pay. In order to get the problem resolved, I had to leave the hospital and walk a 10-15 minute walk across the military complex to the pay office. There a civilian contract worker was responsible for sorting out the pay issues. He had me fill out a bunch of paperwork and told me to come back the next week. I came back the next week and he told me that he still could not get my issue resolved. There was just too much work and he had not gotten my forms processed. I was frustrated. I was on call every 3rd night and even on non-call days I worked 12-hour days. As I left to go back to the hospital, I saw him leave his desk to walk outside with his buddies to smoke for a while. 

When I got home, I told my wife. She was really frustrated! She remembered that in orientation the doctor’s wives met the wife of the Admiral in charge of the hospital. She had told them to call any time if there were problems. She picked up the phone and called. I did not want Sarah to do this. This went outside of the chain of command and was not the way the military was supposed to work. Helen (the Admiral’s wife) didn’t mind. She told her that they had messed up her husband’s pay also. She called her husband’s aide. The aide called the pay office. Within 5 minutes I had the same civilian contract worker calling me and apologizing. He had my pay fixed that day.

Funny thing about it being too much work and too complicated to get it fixed. 

Seems it all depends on how motivated people are for change.

Ok – so here are the lessons I have taken away from this and similar experiences:

  1. Sometimes you have to create, invent, declare or make a crisis to get movement to get what ought to be done.
  2. Most of the time your job is to be able to communicate what you are feeling or thinking. Why do you feel the need for change? Is there really a pressing need? You cannot expect to get what you want if you cannot make other people feel the need as strongly as you do. The 1st step might be for you to spend time thinking about what is driving your desire for change. Until you can explain that clearly, you may not be able to move things forward.
  3. External regulation and review can be a tool for good. In this case the Joint Commission turned out to be a very helpful thing for me. Maybe the best thing you can do is to submit yourself or your organization to some kind of external scrutiny to get them to listen and respond and change.
  4. If that all fails – perhaps you need an HM1 Jones to creatively “fix the problem” while he is on watch overnight! At least that could be an interim solution! 
Categories
Being human Reflections on Life, Being Human, and Medicine

The Lady Cordelia de Montmorency

Scene 1: Recent. We are driving around Prince Edward Island (PEI).

If you have never been to see PEI, I highly recommend it. There are beautiful rolling green hills of farmland stretching down to touch the sea. The earth is a deep red color unlike anywhere else I have ever seen. The grass and the trees are peaceful and remind me of all that is good on this earth. The breaking waves of the water are beautiful and soothing and relaxing.  On our first trip to PEI, Sarah would laugh at me. As we drove around, I would say, “Wow!” each and every time we crested a hill. This last trip was no different. 

The grass and trees and fields and rolling hills challenge me. 

How am I living my life? Am I being foolish? Am I missing the deep wisdom of the earth and of nature? I wonder about our lives. More specifically I wonder about my life. I see the beauty and the quiet and a slower way of life. I too often seem to just speed along. I want to slow down to feel the peace of the trees and grass and fields, but fear that I don’t. 

This is where LM Montgomery lived when she wrote the, “Anne of Green Gables” books. We stood where her house was. I imagined her sitting in a chair looking out her window at the rolling hills. I wondered about the richness of having time to stop and reflect and think. I again felt the overwhelming desire to have a life that allows for reflection and thought. 

A year ago, that desire was intense. It was so strong that it was almost anger. I felt angry at the world – or maybe even myself – for living a life that moves so fast that it does not allow for time to breathe or reflect or even to just be. In the midst of the abrupt change that cancer brought to my life I vowed to never return to a life that lacks time for reflection. When it hurt to move, and sleep evaded, I suddenly had plenty of time to think. Blogging was a wonderful release and felt like stretching my seldom used “muscles” of deep introspective thought. It became and remains a sweet indulgence of feeling, thinking and being.

As we drove around PEI, the desire to live a life of reflection grew strong again. And the pressures and realities of living in this world once again made me angry and frustrated. Why does life so often feel like riding in a car moving at 100 mph with my head sticking out the window? The wind at first is thrilling but then it becomes numbing. You can feel and hear the world rushing by but do not really experience it. It is too intense. Life blasts by you. You endure rather than enjoy.

In Charlottetown we saw the “Anne of Green Gables” musical. In the performance, there is a scene with Matthew Cuthbert sitting down at the end of the day in a chair with a blanket over his lap. It was peaceful. There was no television. There was nothing to do. I wondered. Maybe I need to just stop and sit in a chair with a blanket over my lap so that I can just be. Maybe that is what I am seeking.  Maybe I need to run away to PEI or somewhere and stay.

Scene 2: Several years ago. I am on spring break in Orlando.  

Sarah went as a chaperone with Margaret on a trip with her high school chorale to Alaska. Dorothy was in college, so that left JJ and me. We travelled to Orlando. John (my nephew) also came with us. We planned our week with amusement parks but also with other activities. I had booked us at a nice condo with a big pool. One day’s schedule was to sit by the pool, reading and just relaxing. We decided on the day and we got all ready. We put on our swimsuits and sunscreen and gathered up towels and books and music and headphones. We settled into some nice chairs by the pool. 

It lasted about 10 minutes. 

JJ was restless. “Is this all we are going to do?” She wanted to be doing something. She didn’t want to come to Orlando to sit and not do anything. She wanted to be on the go. It didn’t seem very long before John and I relented. We were dressed again and on our way to walk around busy busy areas at Disney.  

That is JJ. She is an extrovert and someone who loves to be doing things. She loves to be on the go and moving. She wants to see and experience the world and grows restless if the world seems to slow down. She pushes us to do fun things and we love her for how she fills our world with activities.

To be honest, I sense this within myself. 

I struggle to reconcile these apparently conflicting things. On one hand I dream of just being. I am sitting in the window looking out at the grass and trees and hills and that is enough. I have time to reflect and think and am happy. I imagine myself as the calm and sedate author sitting at a desk by the window. Or perhaps I could be a farmer resting in the quiet of the evening, in a chair with a blanket over my lap. But on the other hand, I feel the restless pull. When you put me at home sitting in a chair, I can indeed grow restless. Too often my cell phone is in my hand. When I settle into the chair by the window, I end up on all varieties of social media. I get quickly pulled away from the solitude that I had planned as I sat down in the chair. In those moments I feel every bit of being JJ’s father. 

Sometimes I think that paradox is what appeals to me about sailing. It is in no way a passive activity. I can tweak and fuss and trim the sails. Maybe if I just let out a little bit of the genoa, I could get a little more speed. Or pull the traveler to windward a little bit more and put a bit more twist on the sail. Or turn the boat itself just a couple of degrees more to windward? Even on a gentle sunset cruise sailing can be a very active passive activity! 

So, what is it that I want?  I think I am a very confused person.

And yet – Anne…

Sarah loves the “Anne of Green Gables” stories. That is of course one of reasons that we first went to PEI. We went to the musical presentation. I have watched the movies. Sarah (and JJ) have read the books and just loved them. It is delightful to laugh at the antics and incredible imagination and creativity of Anne (with an “e” as she always says). 

In one scene they ask Anne (who was an orphan) what her name is:

Mrs. Blewitt: “What is your name girl?”

Anne: “I’m the Lady Cordelia de Montmorency, abducted by gypsies when I was three. I was born in a palace in Old Vienna, Danubian Waltzes my lullabies. And my father was Johann, with great moustaches, My mother Maria, with emerald eyes. If you’re wondering how I got here, I was kidnapped by this buccaneer, who took me to France and taught me to dance in his gypsy hide out in Tangier!”

The imagination captured in the character of Anne makes me laugh even now.

And then it occurred to me. Even within Anne – or within the mind of her creator (LM Montgomery) – was a mind that did not just sit. It was filled with adventures and activities. It is what makes the books so enjoyable.

It also makes me think of JJ. It makes me think of the same restlessness within me. As humans we have always enjoyed stories and books and adventures. We do not seem to be well suited for just sitting.  In the quiet existence that made up LM Montgomery’s life, her mind was filled with activity and adventure. She put into her Anne stories the wonders of her active mind. And in that is an understanding of balance. 

I still dream of sitting in the window looking out at the trees and grass and rolling fields. But I also understand that what I really want is to experience life in all of its fullness. I want to think and see and hear and feel and experience the adventure that is life in all of its richness and intensity. I want to know about you and your life. I want to muse and enjoy in the adventures that make up my life and your life.

Scene 3: Now. Sitting on the sofa in our sunroom.

I am sitting on the sofa trying to reconcile the mix of desires within me. I start typing away and the words flow out onto the screen. I hope that by some magic the words can make sense of it for me. I hope and dream that by some further magic they will touch and change you.  My heart wants to scream:

  • Experience life! Live it! Love it! Feel it! Don’t just rush through it. Smell, taste, hear, really look.
  • Doggedly insist on a life that has moments of reflection. If you never have time to think, you are going to regret it.  Don’t swallow your food so fast that you never stop to taste it. Don’t burn through your life so quickly that you never stop to reflect and experience and cherish what you are going through.
  • There is nothing wrong with adventure! All of life is an adventure. There is nothing wrong with doing things – as long as you truly experience them. Don’t just do them to numb yourself. Go ahead and stick your head out the window. But do so to feel the cool rush of air blast past your face. Feel it. Experience it. And if it gets to the point where it feels numbing – pull your head back in so that you can listen and process and think and appreciate.  

Scene 4: The blog is posted. 

This is the scene that you get to be in. You are the main character. You are reading this blog online. You may have spent time looking over various social media posts. You dialed through them. But just perhaps – now – for a moment – you will go back – and look more deeply. You will look at the faces in the pictures. You will think about the experiences – or the adventures – that are captured there. For within Facebook or Twitter or Instagram are captured stories and adventures. Perhaps, you will use this time to reflect – think – feel – live – what you have seen on the screen. You will for just a moment have your cake and eat it too. You will see and experience and by reflection – enjoy.

And they all lived happily ever after. Isn’t that how all good stories are supposed to end?  But what is that? Perhaps it is to live with balance. Not boring and dull lives. Lives can and should be filled with adventure and all sorts of interesting stories and things. But also, they should be lives that retain time for reflection so that you don’t just go through life, but really live.

The End.