Filters: How I See the World

SiriusXM radio added a new channel recently. It was the Johnny Carson channel. It constantly played old Johnny Carson shows. I found it oddly interesting and entertaining.

On the dash display in my car it told me the date that the show was broadcast. As I drove, I found myself thinking about what I was doing when the show was on television. More than that, I thought about who I was, what my world was like and how I perceived the world. It was a really interesting mental exercise. 

One morning on my drive to work, I was 13 years old. It was in the winter. I imagined my 8^th grade science teacher. I can still picture the arrangement of chairs in the room. I thought about my friends. I thought about what was important to us and what our world looked like then. I thought about how I would have perceived what Johnny and his guests were talking about. 

The other day it was August 1974. I was 9 years old. I remembered how 9-year-old me thought about the performer that Johnny was interviewing. It was in the summer. In an instant I was thinking of riding my bike and playing outside. I imagined the long summer evenings and the heat. I thought of the sound of the fan that we would have set up in a window hoping it would cool off the upstairs bedrooms just a little. 

Recently I was thinking about a friend who went through a very hard time. It hit me that I was filtering my perceptions of his experience through me and my current life. I shifted gears a bit. I thought about what I was like and where I was in life at his age. The change in perspective was strong and powerful. Things seemed to click. It made me understand more. It seemed to make things make more sense.

Filters.

That is the word that came to my mind when I was thinking about all of this. We all have certain ways in which we perceive our world. We filter through all the of data that is coming in so that we can process it. Our present and past realities and experiences impact on how we perceive what is going on. I guess that is obvious. But it amazed me how much difference it made in my ability to empathize and understand just by trying to shift my filters a bit.

I filter my understanding of others and their experiences through the filter of my own past. Where I am now and how I think brings certain assumptions to how I think about what others are going through.

It isn’t true.

They have their own filters and tools that they use to interpret the world. Their past is not my past. Their present reality is not my present reality.

And both understandings may not be entirely correct.

I cannot and should not assume that I can fully empathize. 

But I also have a desire to help them, if I am able, so that they do not have to suffer or struggle or make errors that I made. 

Can I be so wise as to look through both sets of eyes? Like putting on special glasses where you could dial in different colored or polarized lenses or filters, could I attempt to look at the world through my eyes first and then push myself to at least try to look through their eyes? The goal of course then is to synthesize both together into a more complete and accurate understanding.  This achieved then I could decide what comes next. 

Sometimes it will be nothing. Silence, caring understanding, and empathy is often the best response. 

Sometimes it will be an attempt to help. But hopefully it will come from a perspective of compassion and looking how to communicate a foreign concept to them that took me years to learn or figure out. It is almost like speaking a different language but more than that – a different emotion – or interpretation of what is happening. I cannot and should not force my understanding on them. It took me a long time to gain that. But can I be an interpreter? Can I carry over the wisdom of my past failures or successes or multiple years of similar experiences and then translate them into their understanding? 

To one friend suffering with a serious illness, the multiple filter analysis taught me to better feel his pain. No words. Silence. But compassion.

To another when she asked for help, it was an exhortation for the strength she needed to walk through a very hard situation. There was a hope that helping her see through the cloud of emotions to a balanced truth would keep her from being destroyed.

What am I trying to say?  Don’t assume that how you think is how others think. Step one is to acknowledge that you might not be able to truly understand. This is especially important when it comes to your kids. Push yourself to remember what it was like. I still vividly remember the traumas and major events of my teen years. The events were and still are earth shaking. That is what your kids are living. Dial in the setting for your old “teenage filters” to view their reality. Understand that it still may not be entirely accurate, but it might help you to be a bit more understanding.

There is a risk of course. You could do this and then assume that you truly do know and understand. Be careful to not presume. You are doing this so that you can listen and really hear more clearly. It is not so that you can jump to conclusions or judge others. 

Johnny Carson got me thinking about how differently I have seen things at different points in my life. SiriusXM only ran that channel for a month. It is isn’t on anymore. But I am thankful for how it made me think differently. 

What advice or how would you have supported 9-year-old you? Or 13-year-old you? Or 24-year-old you?