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Reflections on Life, Being Human, and Medicine

The Parable, The Pioneer and the Power of Returning

I can still picture the place and remember the moment.

We were in a hotel and conference center in Pendik which is on the Asian side of Istanbul Turkey. I had been invited to give a couple of talks in a cardiovascular symposium. It was exciting and an honor to be a part of this meeting. 

We walked on a break between sessions. I was with Luis. Many in my community will instantly know who I am referring to but for a broader audience, Luis was a pioneer and a visionary cardiac surgeon for our region. By now he was advanced in years and carried himself with a profound dignity that evoked respect. I was careful when I was with him to treat him with the honor that I knew he deserved.  I also knew that he had the benefit of years of passion in his work and with that came wisdom.

As we walked, he focused his attention on me. He was sincere in his concern for me which flattered me. On his part, he truly wanted to know how I was doing and how our programs were doing. 

I now joke about how leadership seems to be confronted with, “the crisis of the day, the crisis of the week and the crisis of the month.” His question came amid one of the many political struggles and challenges that come naturally whenever you work to bring change to an organization. I poured out my concerns and sketched out some of the details of the current struggle. 

He listened politely and then put his arm around my shoulders and leaned in with sage advice. I have carried that advice with me ever since.

But to understand it better, let me first take a little detour into a proverb from the Bible. This is Jesus teaching:

He said: “In a certain town there was a judge who neither feared God nor cared what people thought. And there was a widow in that town who kept coming to him with the plea, ‘Grant me justice against my adversary.’

“For some time he refused. But finally he said to himself, ‘Even though I don’t fear God or care what people think, yet because this widow keeps bothering me, I will see that she gets justice, so that she won’t eventually come and attack me!’” [1]

I think this is a puzzling proverb. When I was young it did not make sense to me. Jesus was teaching his disciples about prayer and faith and yet the scriptures record that Jesus also said:

“Truly I tell you, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you.” [2]

Now this I understand. If I have faith, Jesus taught, then God will answer my prayer. Doesn’t this mean then that if I want my prayers to be answered I should go in confidence to God in prayer and just ask for what I need? And having laid out that request, shouldn’t I similarly have the confidence to know that God has heard me and will answer my prayer?  If I were to return time and time again, would that not be a sign of a lack of faith?

Certainly, I used to think, to ask time and time again would be an assured way to show that you do not trust God and therefore do not have the faith necessary for God to grant your request.

And yet, Jesus told them about the persistent widow. In fact he closes the parable by asking, “However, when the Son of Man comes, will he find faith on the earth?”

Now wait a minute. The context means that he was saying that if you have faith, you will pray and pray and pray again.

This means that perhaps my thinking was off.

Let me put it more simply:

Prayer 101: If you have a need or concern, put in a prayer, sort of like putting in a work order or ticket at the help desk. Once that is submitted there is nothing more you need to do. You just wait for the answer. You do not need to pay attention to the issue anymore and can go on with the rest of your life.

But Jesus was taking the disciples to another level.

Prayer 201: If you have a need or concern, you should repeatedly and continually lay it out before God in prayer. Jesus said, “And will not God bring about justice for his chosen ones, who cry out to him day and night?”  He was telling them to pray in faith but was also telling them to not cease in praying. Like the persistent widow he taught them to come back again and again and again and again before the almighty God in faith and to lay out their needs and the needs of others. 

This used to puzzle me. Why did Jesus teach this concept of repetitive prayer?

Like many things in Scripture, age and life experiences have helped and made this to begin to make sense to me:

  1. It takes more faith to keep asking. To return each day in prayer and lay out the request repeatedly, still seeing the problem and not yet seeing the answer takes an enduring faith. The repeated prayers are actually an exercise in faith. Faith is not then a “one and done” thing. Rather having faith and growing in faith is like exercising a muscle. With each prayer, the muscle is exercised, maintained and even strengthened. It is though you are saying, “Lord God I know that you are there, that you hear my request, and that you want me to continually bring the request. I know and trust in your answer whatever and whenever that answer will come.”
  2. There is something to the process that we need. God is not a vending machine that we go to get what we want and then leave. God is our loving father that desires to bring us with him through the process of His intervention, including his redemption and healing of our world. Like a parent training their child, he wants us to go through the process with Him, enduring over time (often even many many years) in faith as He works with us and through us to deliver the answer. The one and done prayer is a cop out. It allows us to wash our hands of the situation rather than dwelling in the concerns that we or others have. Our prayers for the concerns of those around us are a gift that allows us to carry their concerns with them and in partnership with a loving and redemptive God.
  3. We need to not tire of doing good. “When the Son of Man comes will He find faith?[3]” It is hard to persist in doing any good work especially if there are barriers or in times when it seems like there is no progress. We can muster enthusiasm and strength at first, but then can we go on to do what is harder? Can we sustain the desire or the drive to seek after the good that we want to do or that we want to see? That persistence in whatever we do – in this case in prayer – is what I think the persistent widow can teach us.

———-

Luis wrapped his arms around my shoulder and leaned in to speak to me. He smiled a bit as he began.  His Argentinian accent added a deep solemnity to his words:

“Mike, I will tell you exactly what you are to do.”

“Go to the hospital, see your patients and do your work. Ask for what you need to make things better and do so with a smile on your face.  When the hospital tells you “no” do not get upset.  Go home in peace. Get up the next morning and with a smile on your face come back to the hospital. Take care of your patients and do your work. Ask for the thing that you need all over again. They will likely tell you “no”. Do not get distressed. Get up the next morning and with a smile on your face, do the same thing over and over and over again. I will promise you that eventually they will give you what you want. This works. Whether they want to or not, whether they think it is feasible or not, eventually they will meet your request.”

I have been very fortunate to work in a progressive health care system. My leadership has generally been responsive to the changes and demands that we have seen necessary to improve patient care in our region. 

But not always. 

I have had plenty of times when I have heard a “no” or a “not yet.”  In those moments I do not despair. I think of Luis and that time walking between sessions in the hotel in Istanbul, Turkey. I can see the twinkle in his eye and can with fondness still feel his arm around my shoulder. I can hear his voice speak my name as he says, “Mike, do not tire in doing good.  The clinicians always outlast the administrators. If you are seeking what is right and good and best, patiently persist. The change will eventually come.”

Do not tire in doing good.

I smile now as I think of the parable of the persistent widow. I marvel at all of the programs and changes and growth and development of the past 20 years in our health system. 

I hope that maybe someone might read this blog, and in it find the courage to doggedly persist and continue to seek what is good and right and best.

Be a persistent widow. 

I will tell you what to do:

Do not tire in doing good. Keep your idealism. Do not settle for what is present today. Dream of what could be. Seek after it with a smile on your face. When (not if) you face opposition or are told “no” do not despair. Go home in peace. Come back the next day with a smile on your face, with your dreams yet alive and seek after it again, and again, and again.

[1] New International Version, Luke 18:1-8

[2] New International Version, Matthew 17:20

[3] New International Version, Luke 18:8

Categories
Being human Reflections on Life, Being Human, and Medicine

Falling Down – Or Not? What Does Confidence Mean in Your Work and Personal Life?

I didn’t grow up skiing. I went once as a teen and enjoyed it. I wasn’t very good but by the end of the evening I was able to get to the bottom of the intermediate hill without falling down (even if I did flail a bit to stop at the bottom.)

Later as an adult I wanted to try again. I didn’t take a lesson but instead just rented the “slowest” skis I could get and went out to the hills. I shortly mastered the bunny hill and the magic carpet and then with some growing confidence headed for slopes with a bigger challenge. 

The ski lift was terrifying at first. I worried I would not be able to get off without falling down in disgrace. I was so pleased with myself when I kept my wits and slid off and away from the lift at the top of the hill. I got my nerve up and found the easiest slope I could find and then I headed down the hill. 

With practice, my snow ploughing improved, and I was able to maintain somewhat of a controlled descent down the hills. I of course fell down a few times but knew that was inevitable. As I did so it seemed common to have an 8-year-old ski backwards by me checking to see if I was okay. 

Yes, it was humbling. 

But nothing is gained in life without pushing myself to do things I am not good at and being willing to swallow a large dose of humility in the process. 

As the night progressed, I got better but I began to discover something very interesting.

Whether or not I fell down seemed to be much less related to the hill, my skis or even my abilities. Instead, if I decided I was going to fall I would fall. If I decided that I could hold it together and right myself many times (not all) I would correct things and stabilize upright again. 

That was many years ago, but I have seen this principle play out over and over again. I have observed it as a truth in my life and in the lives of many others. 

  • It is easy to fall down. 
  • If you decide to fall down, you likely will. 
  • If instead you doggedly decide to not fall down, you might (just might) not fall down.

We often see this with our politicians. It amazes me how some of them seem to have egregious events happen and yet keep upright and just keep sliding forward. Others have one small event and end up destroyed by it.

Let me be clear:

  • If you have talent for something, it is easier.  If you do not have talent, it is harder.  Sometimes you fall just because it is not something that you are ever going to be good at.
  • If you train to do something, when you start you will have failures. Failures are not an indication that you should not do something new. They are just a sign that you are learning and growing.  
  • This leads to a second or corollary fact: 
    • The ability to fail and keep trying happens to be one of the amazing characteristics of what it means to be a human. 
      • It is possible to push yourself and teach yourself to do something new. 
      • If you really want something you can chose to work to gain the new skill.
      • The more you do it, the easier it gets and the better you get at doing it. 
    • There is a choice here: 
      • You can choose to avoid all failure and adopt a life of ease. In that sort of life, you will not grow, and you will deprive yourself of a LOT of rich and rewarding experiences. 
      • You can also choose a different sort of life where you push yourself and grow.  You will likely fall down a few times at first. 
      • We need to remind each other that it is okay (and really good) to do something new purely because you want to.

This brings us back to the key point of this blog:  In life, if you think you are going to fall down, you will. Panic and loss of confidence inevitably lead to failure. If you decide that you don’t want to fall down, many times you can save yourself from falling. 

One of our administrators used to have a poster of “Wonder Woman” on the back of her door.[1]

When we had to take on a particularly hard situation, we would stand in her office and assume the “Wonder Woman” pose. It was amazing how much that would help. After having put our hands on our hips and stood up bold and straight, we could then walk out of the office with strength to face whatever task we needed to take on. 

Confidence alone doesn’t make you “Wonder Woman.” Confidence does help you take on and be successful at things that you really can and should be able to do.

If you need to speak up at a meeting or gathering, don’t shrink away meekly. Push yourself up (picture the Wonder Woman pose) and say what you need to say. If you have push back from others, you can choose to be deflated and shrink away. You can choose to fall down. You do not need to. You can decide to keep going to argue your point. Often (not always) if you do this you will succeed.

Whether or not you fall down is often as much a choice as it is an inevitability.

If you need to lead, then lead. Don’t apologize or do it weakly. You are not helping anyone if you do that. Do it with confidence. When (not if) you face opposition don’t seek to run away, instead face it. Don’t panic. Forget about falling down. Look forward and tell yourself to ski through it.

I don’t go skiing very much anymore. But I can if I want to. And when I do, most of the time I don’t fall down.

[1] Shout out to Michelle!