Categories
Being human Reflections on Life, Being Human, and Medicine Reflections on the Christian Life

Gentleness and Respect

This is the sunset one evening in Mazatlán, Mexico. I love the subtleties and richness of the different colors.

“Do not fear what they fear; do not be frightened. But in your hearts set apart Christ as Lord. Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect…”[1]

I share a lot of who I am on this blog.

Out of gentleness and respect I do not commonly get very strongly into the reason for the hope that I have. 

But these words are profound. They show how we are to share with each other. I wish we would learn them and listen to them.

Gentleness:  Each of us have been bruised by life. It is not always an easy go. And on the other side of it, most of us are “fix it people.” We want to take your painful, complicated situation that you cannot get out of and “fix it.” 

The intention is good but in so doing we can inflict real harm. 

Obviously, you would fix it if it were in your power. And we can do so much harm if we shove a solution at you. We are to be gentle with each other. I am sorry for the harm and pains that life has brought your way. I am sorry if I or other well-meaning people have tried to “fix it” without gentleness.  

I promise – as I have been taught – that I will be gentle.

Respect:Why is it that when it comes to issues of religion, we think that it is ok to assume that our friends are idiots. Perhaps it is not that extreme, but we all are intelligent. We all have walked through many life experiences. We all have ideas of what we think and believe and why. 

We all deserve respect. I want you to give it to me. I don’t want you to come up and shove something at me. In all honesty I want you to respect me. I want you to recognize I have a brain and to value what I think. 

If I respect you, I should assume that you have some wisdom for me. It is only common courtesy that I must assume that there are things that I can learn from you. Dialogue is good. Listening more than talking is really good.

We don’t have to agree with each other. It is not a surprise that we might think differently about things. But can we still talk and learn from each other? Could we be so wise as to do this with “gentleness and respect?”

If all we ever do is talk to people who agree with us, what good is that? How do we grow from that? But if we are so brave as to listen to people when they might think differently, there is immense power in that.

But we have to do so with respect. We often jump to debate mode. I would encourage you to click into “respect and listen” mode. If they are wrong there will be time later to reflect. And if they would engage in “respect and listen” mode by your example you will have a chance to bring your thoughts back to them. But if you immediately defend your view you likely have not taken the time to listen and truly hear. You likely have missed out on learning something. They have a brain. They have had life experiences that you have not had. Remember that. Pause. Listen!

And so, what is the basis of the hope that I have?

I will gladly answer that for any who want to know the reasons for my hope. 

But it does no good, and in fact I think it does harm, for either of us to shove what we believe down each other’s throats. Could we each offer it up freely as a gift to each other so that by so doing we could each learn and grow from each other. Could we treat each other with gentleness and respect?

For me, I have found a loving God who holds me and teaches me and gives me hope. He has blessed me in so many ways. He gives me a promise of a great future. This is both on this earth and beyond. I say this not in arrogance or drumming up a delusional belief to make myself feel better. I say this based on my life experiences and the rational brain that He has given me.

I also really feel good when I thank him for you and all that you mean to me.

Message me if you want to share the reasons for your hope or joy. I would be eager to hear. I promise to listen. You can leave it as a comment here but only if you promise to do it with gentleness and respect.


Message me if you want to talk more about my reasons for hope and joy. I too will promise to do so with gentleness and respect.

 Can we all please do the same?

This is a view from our sailboat “Mes Trois Filles”. This is sunrise on 7/13/18. We are in the middle of Lake Michigan on our trip from Holland to Chicago. 

[1]1 Peter 3:14-15 (NIV)

Categories
Being human Reflections on Life, Being Human, and Medicine Updates on my health

Skydiving Through Life – Or Burnout Chapter 2

When Sarah went skydiving it was different than what I imagined it would be like.  

I always imagined the free fall as – well – “free”.  Wouldn’t it be first the amazing feeling of falling – like the initial drop on a roller coaster. Then would come the part where it would be like superman flying around in the sky.  Next would be after the parachute opened. You would be floating gracefully through the air. You would be looking around from way up in the sky with the amazing feeling of peace and freedom.  

This is Sarah and the instructor on their way to earth!

She tells me it wasn’t like that at all.  Not at all.

The Go-Pro video recording showed the reality.  

In reality she stepped off a plane flying at speed (150 mph). The free fall was instead the sensation of getting blasted in the face with wind at 150 mph.  At that speed – she said it wasn’t really that easy to appreciate the beautiful view. The video shows her cheeks violently flapping around in the wind in a not very graceful way.

Sarah is being brave but on the video you can see the 150 mph wind whipping her cheeks!

And then the shock and pull of the parachute against her arms and legs pulled into her skin.  The pressure and bruising and associated pain made the parachute ride also less idyllic then what I imagined. The trip down was a balance between trying to look around and wondering how long it would be before she would be free of the pain of the harness.

So also, with my life. 

Everything in my life seems to move at 150 mph. 

More often than not I get blasted in my face with the forceful wind of life.  I try to look out at the trees and grass and sunsets. But most of the time I am just feeling my cheeks pushed back and pretending to enjoy them and wondering why I can’t.  My iPhone is a constant temptation and a constant pull into the wind. Just when the wind slows, one email or text speeds it up again. One comment can be a reminder that triggers worries or thoughts of things that I have not done or that need to be done. 

There are good things in my work. But once again, the beautiful sunsets or the glint of the sun on the leaves get only a cursory appreciation as I pound through on dozens of things grabbing at me. A success on one patient but yet a long note to write in Epic and several patient calls and the enormous number of unread emails.

Someone told me once about eating a hot sauce that was so hot it just numbed up his tongue. In the end he couldn’t feel it – and he couldn’t even taste it. My life feels that way. I feel numb and long for times when I felt more human. Could I really have time to indulge emotion. Could I even know what I feel – and then be free to express it. Artists and poets and song writers get to do this. Can’t I get to do this also please?

Last night (10/3/18) I had the gift of driving alone with a sunset outside my window. Recent events made me not care about anything else. It could all wait. Putting on music and turning it up loud enough so that I could feel it was like the greatest indulgence. 

And for a moment it was there again: emotions. Appreciating what it means to be truly human. Unlike the real skydiving – it was better. I was floating and able to look around and see everything. Not blasted by the wind. But able to feel a gentle breeze and see colors and feel pain and beauty at the same time.

This is chapter two of my discussion of burnout.[1]  I wrote this three days after I was told that I had a “large retroperitoneal mass” that was likely cancer. 

I had been feeling the blast of life in my face for years. It was only with the threat of my own mortality that I could get angry enough to defy it all. It is odd that it took anger to overcome the stress of the world, but I think that was what the emotion was. I was finally determined and strong enough to fight against the pressures that would keep me from enjoying life. Sometimes you have to get angry at the circumstances that are destroying you.

It is now more than two months later. 

I am still only functioning with training wheels on. I am continuing to learn. My cancer diagnosis and the associated treatments are training wheels. They are keeping me from falling back into living a more certain life that pretends to let you feel and see and smell and love but mostly just keeps you numb. I am more human today than I was two months ago. I am working hard via prayer and study and writing this blog to learn. 

All of my family, friends and coworkers are making it easy. Their kindness to me has been overwhelming. Thursday night a large group of them from the transplant and VAD programs showed up outside my front door. They sang Christmas carols to me! They were all bundled up in the cold. They held candles. Their voices were sweet! Their faces were some of the greatest beauty I have ever seen!

The most beautiful faces in the world are my dear friends who love me!

 I tried to not cry. Their sweet children in the front were so adorable it made it easier. They made my heart happy. I had to steady myself on my wife because the emotions were so intense – so good – so real. I was fully human standing there. Thank you for making it easy. I didn’t need my training wheels that night because of you.

My beloved Sarah. She is always there to steady me.

I promise that I will continue to learn. My last week of radiation is next week. I hope that as I recover from that I might regain some energy and stamina. I am warned that the fatigue can persist for a while. I am also warned that the chemotherapy doses will be ramped up after this and they can and will cause fatigue and nausea. I guess the Lord thinks I still need training wheels for a while longer.

But I must learn because I feel a deep obligation to teach it to you. I want to somehow teach you to truly:

  • Feel
  • Taste
  • Smell
  • See
  • Hear
  • And love.

[1]I promise a chapter 3 with more insights and answers will come in a few weeks. I have written it based on the feedback from many of you but I want to spend some more time in reflection and study before posting it. So please bear with me. More will be coming.