Reflections on the Christian Life Archives - Page 2 of 19

One headline reads, “Burying the Old World Order.”^[1] Multiple experts are reporting similar doomsday like phrases. The comment on the news was something like, “Nothing like this has happened since World War II.” Maybe it is hyperbole or not, but with the Russian invasion of Ukraine many of us are wondering what is going on.

Here is an excerpt from one article in the Atlantic, “There is no longer any point putting on the uniforms of the old world, pretending it has not just been blown apart. The old ways of dealing with Russia (and potentially China) no longer apply. The belief that autocratic regimes will democratize and liberalize as they bend into our rules-based order was naive.”^[2]

Wasn’t a global pandemic enough drama for this decade? Do we really need this? What is going to happen? What does this mean?

The more I think about it the more I feel anxious but also angry. Why would any leader throw our world into chaos? Why would he inflict enormous harm and the inevitable deaths of thousands of innocent people? How dare he? How is he going to be held accountable for this?

“Why do the nations rage and the peoples plot in vain? The kings of the earth set themselves, and the rulers take counsel together against the LORD and against his Anointed, saying, ‘Let us burst their bonds apart and cast away their cords from us.’ He who sits in the heavens laughs; the Lord holds them in derision.”^[3]

These words and these images came to mind as I climbed in my car to drive to work.

Moments earlier I felt anger and a desire for violence against the perpetrators (especially Putin and his colleagues.) I wanted brute force to be applied against their brute force to make them pay for violating the balance of peace in Europe. I imagined the force of NATO coming to bear against him. I hoped he would feel the pain of retribution for the pain that he is inflicting on others.

And then Psalm 2 came to mind. The image was of God on His throne. The Lord God Almighty is not surprised or intimidated by Putin or anyone. His purposes are being worked out.

I certainly don’t understand why this is happening or the purposes behind it. Sarah and I have been asking this since the beginning of the coronavirus pandemic. What is the Lord doing in this? To be honest, I just can’t see it. It has not driven revival or unification of the church. It seems if anything to have caused division within the church and derision of the church from those outside of it. So far, I haven’t been able to see the Lord working through the pandemic.

I also can’t see any good coming from war coming to Ukraine. There are over 44 million people living in Ukraine. They have all had their lives suddenly upended and put at risk. The news yesterday brought interviews and stories of common people taking up arms to defend their country. I imagine the deaths and grief that the coming days are going to bring. I imagine the escalation and potential future conflicts that could happen if Putin has designs beyond the Ukraine. This is not good.

But the Lord is on His throne. Conflict like this is nothing new. I think about what our parents, grandparents and great grandparents endured. History has not been smooth, nice and pretty. I cannot imagine the fears and horror and grief of WW1, WW2, Korea and Vietnam. Human history is just not very nice.

Consider this quote from Arnold Toynbee: “We expected that life throughout the world would become more rational, more humane, and more democratic and that, slowly, but surely, political democracy would produce greater social justice. We had also expected that the progress of science and technology would make mankind richer, and that this increasing wealth would gradually spread from a minority to a majority. We had expected that all this would happen peacefully. In fact we thought that mankind’s course was set for an earthly paradise, and that our approach towards this goal was predestined for us by historical necessity. “^[4]

To be honest, this is a bit of the way I felt when the Berlin wall came down and throughout the breakup of the USSR. Was it possible that the world was finally gaining some sense? Would democracy and improved conditions and human rights prevail? Were we as humans finally growing mature?

The interesting things is that Toynbee was not referring to the modern era. He wrote this about Europe before 1914 in the years leading up to the 1^st world war. At that time also, there was a general optimism about man and civilization. Many had thought that we as a human race had finally grown up. We were getting beyond the savage and violent “might makes right” of our history.

On Facebook video suggestions often pop up. For some reason it seems that a lot of the video suggestions are clips from movies that feature bullies getting their “come-uppance”. Maybe that says something about my heart and my desire to see justice. I think most of us hope for a world where justice prevails, and bullies can no longer have control. I want to watch this conflict like watching one of those clips, waiting for the moment when the bully is confronted to his shame.

And yet God has been on His throne through all of this. What is happening today is no greater than many times and events in the past. God has a plan. His timeline is far different than mine. His purposes are beyond my understanding.

“The LORD works righteousness and justice for all who are oppressed. He made known his ways to Moses, his acts to the people of Israel. The LORD is merciful and gracious, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love. He will not always chide, nor will he keep his anger forever. He does not deal with us according to our sins, nor repay us according to our iniquities. For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is his steadfast love toward those who fear him; as far as the east is from the west, so far does he remove our transgressions from us. As a father shows compassion to his children, so the LORD shows compassion to those who fear him. For he knows our frame; he remembers that we are dust. As for man, his days are like grass;

he flourishes like a flower of the field; for the wind passes over it, and it is gone,

and its place knows it no more. But the steadfast love of the LORD is from everlasting to everlasting on those who fear him, and his righteousness to children’s children.”^[5]

Maybe it is not just Putin who is unrighteous. Maybe it is not just that the people who disagree with me need redemption. I too am flawed and marred and sinful. I too benefit from a God who is merciful, gracious, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love. I have come to expect God to be patient with me. I am dependent on His wisdom and His grace.

I can’t have it both ways. I can’t trust God in His patience and grace with me and that His purposes are being worked out and then not trust Him when it comes to what is happening in the world.

I still don’t understand it. I don’t like it. I will, and should, pray earnestly for the people of Ukraine and for peace in our world. I hope and pray for wisdom and action from our world leaders to act in this situation. Faith doesn’t mean that I must like what is going on or sit in passive inaction. But it does mean that I can function and live and not be afraid.

“We can live in a world where seemingly there is violence and injustice because we know that God is in control and that His purposes are being worked out.”^[6]

I am encouraged when I am reminded that, “The Lord has established his throne in the heavens, and his kingdom rules over all.”^[7] Like my father, my father’s father, and his father before that, I can endure and live in a world torn by conflict. I do not have to live in fear. I can take solace in my faith in an eternal and loving and just God.

As the psalmist reminds us, “Blessed are all who take refuge in Him.”^[8]

^[1] https://www.theatlantic.com/international/archive/2022/02/us-europe-russia-putin-new-world/622917/

^[2] https://www.theatlantic.com/international/archive/2022/02/us-europe-russia-putin-new-world/622917/

^[3] Psalm 2:1-4, English Standard Version

^[4] Toynbee, Arnold Joseph, “Surviving the Future”, Oxford University Press, 1971

^[5] Psalm 103:6-17, English Standard Version

^[6] Habakkuk Multimedia Presentation, InterVarsity Press, 1980.

^[7] Psalm 103:19, English Standard Version

^[8] Psalm 2:12b, English Standard Version

The big screens lit up and the speakers boomed. The crowd cheered as the video played. By the end we were all excited. The freshmen were lined up with some upperclassmen holding them back. Then the upperclassmen released the freshmen and they stormed across the football field as they ran the “Baylor line.”

It was a five years ago and I was in McLane Stadium at Baylor University. I had flown down to visit my daughter JJ. We had walked around the tailgating areas and had bought green (it was a green day) Baylor logo hats and shirts to wear. We were in the huge stadium and the “hype video” was a key part of the experience. We spent the rest of the day with our arms in the air doing the Baylor Sic ‘em. The weather wasn’t the greatest. It rained. Baylor didn’t win. But it didn’t seem to matter all that much. It was fun to be there and experience it and especially to do it with JJ.

So much fun watching the freshman class run the Baylor line!

The hype video was well done. It really got me excited about the game. I felt happy to be in the stadium and be a part of all of it.

It reminded me of a story that I had been told many years before.

One of my teachers had worked for a large appliance store before he became a teacher. He told how each morning before the store opened they would get all the salespeople together. They would go through a “pep” talk – sort of the equivalent of a hype video. They would tell them how it was their duty to (a) sell, (b) sell and (c) sell some more. The more they sold the stronger the economy. That would then mean jobs and prosperity for our community and our country. He told me they would get them so hyped up that by the time of the doors would be opened he said he was ready to go. Every day he would be enthused and ready to convince anyone who came in to buy the latest and greatest electronics equipment. It was his noble and patriotic duty to do so.

When he told me the story, it made me understand that store better. Every time I had been to that store the salespersons had always been very eager to sell. I bought a big powerful stereo from that store. I loved it. It was strong enough that you could feel it as well as hear it.

It does, however, raise the question that confronts a lot of us: Do we have purpose in our lives?

A part of being human is a need to have a sense of purpose. We need to believe that what we are doing has meaning and value. To do less than that can lead to drudgery and eventually to burn out. “It’s time to make the donuts…” was the old commercial^[1]. At times any job can seem like that: a never-ending cycle of delivering a product or service. But we all want to go beyond that. We all have a need to find purpose and meaning in what we do.

You can argue for or against the hype that the electronics store used. Honestly, it sounds ridiculous to me. But if that is your business, you likely will need to work through what you are doing. If it is just about doing something over and over again for no reason, you will not last. You will not be effective. If it is just about making money you may find a deepening hole in your soul that will eat at you. To last and be happy you will need to think through it to find a purpose or meaning.

I was unsettled. It is a long story but ultimately I had decided to leave my primary care internal medicine practice and go back to training and into a cardiology fellowship. My purpose had shifted. I couldn’t stay. In spite of the risk and loss of income I had to make a change. It was the right move for me.

In the time of that transition, I was at a dinner meeting and I ran into Mark. He was another internist that I had known for several years. “I thought about doing what you are doing,” he said to me as we put our coats on and walked toward our cars. “I admire you for it. I was really close to going back to fellowship myself at one point.”

“Why didn’t you?” I asked him.

“Growing up when I thought about wanting to be a doctor it was because I had a vision – a desire – to be “someone’s” doctor. In my mind it was the long standing and lifelong relationship that defined what it meant to me to be a doctor. I thought about specializing but realized that to do so would betray what my purpose in being a doctor was about.”

It made sense to me. I was happy that he had figured it out. He was in primary care because that was where he found purpose and meaning. The reason he didn’t do a fellowship wasn’t because of a lack of ability or courage or drive. It was because it would have been wrong for him to betray his purpose. I was happy he saw his purpose.

It challenged me to think about my purpose. It was clear to me that there was something – or some things – that were driving me to do the fellowship and pushing me forward. The unsettled feeling was all about purpose. For me it may have gone further to even be a calling or a vocation.

How do we each find purpose and meaning in our lives? I have learned that it is a very individual thing. It also can shift and change throughout your life.

It might not be at work. Some never find their purpose or meaning in their jobs. That is okay. Obviously throughout human existence there are times when just surviving is enough. Trying to find some deeper purpose or meaning in your work can often be a luxury. There are millions of people in the world who work to just survive. They still have purpose in their lives, but the content of their work may not be where it is.

We all know people who do work to have the resources and time to find their purpose elsewhere. For them their purpose is found in many different places. Family is a common driving purpose. Sometimes it is friends and the time invested in them as they pursue their favorite hobbies. Clearly faith and serving God is a big and driving purpose for many. Some do amazing things in their churches or other areas. To them a demanding job might just distract or pull them away from their purpose.

Some find meaning in the how rather than the what of what they do. For them their drive comes from doing whatever they do with quality and excellence. This is a common source of purpose early in a career. There is a real challenge and satisfaction in mastering an art, skill or field of specialty. In that phase of life, purpose and meaning is found in the effort of acquiring competence and eventually expertise.

There is something admirable about being an expert – or a craftsman – in whatever you do. I am convinced that a clerk at the gas station can have true purpose and meaning in their work if they are determined to do it well. The book, “The Fred Factor”^[2] is an excellent discussion about this type of thinking. The subtitle explains the concept, “How passion in your work and life can turn the ordinary into the extraordinary.”

The point is I am convinced that the secret to sustainability in whatever you are doing is to find your purpose and drive in your life.

And now I pause.

Because it sometimes is easier said than done. Sometimes your purpose is crystal clear. Other times it shifts and changes.

Sometimes you get cancer and it stops you in your tracks and confuses everything. Sometimes even though you recover from cancer surgery and treatment, you are left easily tired and not the same person as you were before. Sometimes you can no longer drive hard anymore. You find that you can no longer stay up late, working into the night, and then pop up in the early morning to continue to work for an hour or two before the clinical day starts. Sometimes you have a gym membership that you used to go to at 5:30 each morning that you still pay for but leave unused for months on end. Sometimes you get home at night and do not have the energy or desire or drive to answer the emails that accumulated during the day. Sometimes you have to figure out again what drives you – or what motivates you – or what is worthy of the energy that you do have.

I am not complaining. As I went through the cancer diagnosis and treatment, it occurred to me that I had no desire to continue with business as usual. I was eager to rethink what was important. It meant digging down into my person and my soul and my world to see what I wanted – or what I needed – to do. And even now, I continue to dig down and evaluate where I am and what I am doing. I would be disappointed if nothing changed. I would feel like I had wasted the trauma of having cancer (can’t I get something good out of this?)

What drives my hype video now?

Over these past three years since my diagnosis, I have been slowly figuring out some things.

It is not about selling stereos. I don’t care about selling a product or making anyone profitable.

Some of it may have elements of what my friend Mark said. It has been a real honor to play the role as a heart failure cardiologist for the good of my patients and their families. In the past I would think in broad sweeps about systems of practice. Looking back now I realize that systems rise and fall and come and go. It is the patients, families, friends – the people – who have been helped that makes me really happy and satisfied.

It doesn’t mean that improving systems and pushing to improve things doesn’t matter. I can remember the many times when I had a vision of ways that things could be so much better. In those settings, I was driven not to just endure the status quo but to work to make substantive changes. There is real value and honor in improving the systems. You can make things better not just for yourself but for everyone else as well. But the purpose is not just to have a shiny system to show off. No matter how wonderful and shiny the system is, it always tends to get rusty. The purpose is to have systems that work so that people get taken care of. It still comes back to the people.

And so, the focus begins to return for me. I want to do whatever is necessary so that people are helped. Sometimes the best way for me to do that is to be a worker in the process. Maybe it is a time in life for me when the best thing for me to do is to “make the donuts.” But is there more?

I have found a desire to expand the reach of our specialty of advanced heart failure. It is for this reason that I have been pushing to have an increased role in developing outreach clinics. I want to see and help the patients that might not have been referred to us or might not have been willing to drive to Grand Rapids to see us.

What about beyond medicine?

It is odd to me the passion I have found for writing. I was never the student that was drawn to writing in college. I gravitated toward math and the sciences. But now it is a joy for me to pour out myself into these blogs. I hope that somehow maybe this writing could influence people in positive ways.

I don’t know that I have it all figured out. I do know that there are things that I want to do. If one of them is to in some way help you – or push you – in a positive way then I am sincerely and deeply happy.

Please do not just exist.

Don’t settle for just “making the donuts” for the sake of making donuts.

What motivates you? What is important to you? What do you care about? What do you wish you could change? Is there something that gets you excited or that can drive you? Even within what you currently do, is there purpose or meaning that you can find?

I can hear the hype video starting. The screen is large as the images start to appear. The speakers are powerful with deep base tones. The booming music is starting up. What is it saying for you?

For me it is:

There are patients who need help and hope in the midst of their advanced heart disease.
There are people who are suffering who need a kind and understanding physician to maybe make it just a little bit easier.
There is a large community of healthcare workers who are getting lost and forgetting their purpose. They are burning out not because they can’t do the work. They are burning out because they are losing their purpose and meaning in the midst of the pressure of their work. They need to resist the forces and the stresses that threaten to make them just workers selling or delivering a product. They need to find again their purpose and meaning in what they do. There is so much good that the do. Can they see it or hear it again?

Can you hear the hype video now? It is playing loudly. I can – I will – get up in the morning and ignore how tired I feel and how my achy muscles are – and go to work. I can do it. I want to do it. It is worth it.

^[1] A reference to a classic Dunkin Donuts commercial that depicts the owner getting up early every day to make the donuts fresh. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1AA1XDqK8tY

^[2] The Fred Factor, by Mark Sanborn, Penguin Random House LLC, 2004

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