I learned how to drive on country roads. These roads are crowned. That means that they are higher in the center and lower on the edges. This must be to help the water to run off. They are wide enough for two cars to pass but there are often no lines on them. You must use your judgment when meeting a car as to how the two of you share the road.
I had to learn how to drive on these roads.
Early on I would get over to the side too early.
As I saw a car coming, I would slide to one side so that we could pass. Oddly I would find that the other cars would seem to take over even more of the road. Often, they would rise to the top of the crown. Sometimes it was so bad that it felt that they would even run me right off of the road. I had a few times when it was really scary.
I had to learn how to drive on these roads. I was not doing it properly.
I learned that I should not get over so soon. I would in fact take a position more centered on the road. As we grew near to each other only then would I get over and we would each take our fair share of the road.
Everything worked much better when I would do it that way. I drive that way to this day. I was never told to do this. But by trial and error I have learned that this works much better. Before this I have seldom ever really talked about this technique. When I brought it up with my wife however, she laughed and told me that she has watched how I do this. She completely understands and agrees that it works well.
I felt odd doing this at first. It felt almost like I was being a bit rude. I was pushing for or exerting my rights to the road. It was not the attitude of the humble servant that I had learned in the Bible. Instead I was asserting myself. The humble servant approach was getting me hurt. It was letting the others take serious advantage of me. They did not seem to recognize the gesture when I got over early. On the contrary they put both of us at risk when I did so by taking too much of the road.
Oddly, by pushing them – by taking the center of the road and getting over later – I was helping them to be safer.
By exerting my rights, I was actually making things better for both of us.
By letting them hurt me, I was hurting them.
By holding them accountable, I was helping them.
I was being better – perhaps even more kind – by not being so permissive.
That is a hard lesson. I do think it is one of the really important lessons of life. It is one of those issues of balance that is not obvious but which is so wise.
We all have to live together. We all ought to treat each other with respect. We all ought to recognize the rights and boundaries in our interactions with each other. The Bible is right and true when it teaches us the immense value in being humble and serving others. But there is a balance. It does not mean that we let people destroy themselvesby abusing us or our rights.
Let me explain more:
- If I value you, I will respect you.
- I will believe that you have the capability to be civil and kind and that you will treat me properly.
- I should expect better of you so that you can achieve better.
- Kindness and proper treatment of you means that I expect you to treat me properly.
If I give up on you, then I am committing a wrong against you. I am assuming some pretty awful things about you. By taking on the role of a martyr in our relationship I am sacrificing you and my respect for you.Oddly – by letting you take advantage of me I am treating you poorly. I have sacrificed who I think you are. I have stopped treating you with respect.
This is all based on an unfortunate but very true reality of human existence. We all are inherently selfish. This is a sad but true fact. Without boundaries or restraints on us we do tend to take advantage of each other. This is a part of what it means to be a human in a fallen world. We all want to think that we are wonderful and giving and selfless. But when someone “gets over too soon” on the road of life, we tend to take the main part of the road. We do this ALL THE TIME. We may not even notice that we do this. It is a big part of being human. And the world will never make sense to you until you can recognize these tendencies in yourself.
I will openly and honestly confess that I have seen this tendency in myself. I don’t want to think that I do this, but I do. I hope that you can understand that you do this as well. Yes, it is wrong, and it is not “pretty” but it is the way we all are.
I function best when I have honest relationships.
When I have friends who truly value me, they respect me enough to hold me accountable. If I hurt them, they say, “No. What are you doing?” This immediate correction pushes me back to the type of person that I want to be. They are believing in me and pushing me back to being a better person. If they meekly let me walk all over them, they are causing a deep harm to me.
And so there must be a balance in our relationships.
Please be humble. Do not think more highly of yourself than you ought. That is good.
Please be a servant. Where you are able, please help others. In so doing the Lord can and will notice and honor you.
But also, please be honest with people. Push them to be better versions of themselves. If they are harming you by their speech or actions, do not let them do so. Say, “Ouch!” Say, “No!” Say, “What are you doing?”
For you see, you have a responsibility to others in life. You must take your own portion of the road and hold it. You must push them so that they treat you and others properly and with respect. You must push them to not be selfish. You must be honest about the harm that they are doing when they are selfish.
And oddly, this is an immense kindness to them. You are helping them to be better persons. While you may be willing to suffer the consequences of their mistreatment of you, you may be harming them when you do so.
Here is how to drive the roads of life:
- Drive safely. Pay attention to the other people around you. Be alert.
- Take the part of the road that you are due. Expect them to give it to you. Do not yield it up too soon. Maybe even push over the line toward them a little bit to get their attention if necessary.
- When the time comes to meet, yield readily. With humility and servitude slide over to your side of the road so that there is more than enough room to pass.
- Smile at them as you both pass each other with dignity and respect.
