The Storm: An amazing story from my grandfather. Learning to live through and face the storms in life.

Sarah and I were driving back to Virginia from a visit home to Michigan when we stopped to see my grandparents. We sat at their dining room table as we talked. As we did so they started talking about what things were like when they were a young couple.  

That was when we heard about the storm.

My grandfather was a fisherman in the UP (Upper Peninsula of Michigan). The day of the storm he was alone out on Lake Michigan working his fishing nets. Without warning dark clouds came in quickly and enveloped him. Waves of rain came dumping down in sheets. He quickly finished what he was doing with his nets, started his boat, put it into gear and headed for shore.  The waves grew bigger and bigger as the rain poured down on him. His boat started to fill with water. He pushed the throttle all the way forward, hoping to get home as quickly as possible. This was a simple fishing boat, however, and it was not powered or designed to move fast. Things got worse. The rain was falling in sheets that poured down into his boat. Waves broke over the stern filling the boat with water. 

“I looked around and I didn’t even have a bucket or anything to bail water with. All I had was my hands,”  he said.

I found myself subconsciously cupping my hands as though to help throw water from his boat. 

He kept motoring to home as fast as the boat would go but it seemed like he was fighting a losing battle. The waves were breaking over the sides of the boat, and it started sinking lower and lower into the water. The water was getting so deep in the boat that the gunwales (upper sides of the boat) grew close to the water line. Once they reached the water line there would be nothing keeping the boat afloat. He eventually decided that his situation was hopeless. He was too far from shore. His boat was going to sink. 

What was he to do? One thing was clear: What he was currently doing wasn’t helping.  He pulled the throttle back to idle as he thought about his options. “I started looking for anything on the boat that would float,” he continued.

I had not heard this story before. I was riveted. I sat up in my chair as I listened and once again, I found myself wanting to cup my hands and throw water from the boat hoping to rescue my grandfather. I imagined myself on the boat, looking around to see if there was anything to grab that would float. What would I have done? He had a young wife and children at home. Where they ever going to see him again? He was in a desperate situation. 

He continued with his story.

Once he pulled the throttle back to idle, a surprising thing happened. The bow of the boat dropped down and the stern settled higher in the water. The gunwales rose just a little bit higher above the water line. The stern of his boat was floating better, and the waves were lifting and passing around and under the stern rather than dumping into and filling the boat. The storm he was trying to outrun, started to pass over him and move ahead of him.

By “giving up” and doing the opposite of what seemed logical he had saved himself. The storm passed, and he was able to motor slowly back to his dock. He was shaken and wet but otherwise perfectly fine.

He had been doing what any of us would do when the storm came: He was trying to flee and get to safety. By doing that however, ironically, he was putting himself and his boat into peril. It was only after he accepted his fate (the need to go through the storm regardless of the consequences) that he and his boat were saved. 

It makes me think. Do I run away from the storms of life, or do I stay and deal with them? Do I flee, doing whatever I can to avoid conflict, or do I stay and face it?  

I hate conflict. I enjoy peace. I have learned that I am much more likely to try to calm things down in a tense situation then live or work through them.  When conflict comes up, I routinely push the throttle all the way forward hoping to get away from conflict as quickly as I can rather than turning to face the storm.

What is the correct answer? There is no hard and fast rule here of course.  If you are out on the big lake and a storm comes in, the best answer generally is to start your motor and get to a safe harbor as quickly as you can. 

But not always.

Wisdom means that we need to know that there are times to steer clear of conflict and there are times to embrace it. Sometimes we need to go through the storm to get to the other side. That is a hard lesson for a “conflict avoider” like me. I have had to learn to recognize this tendency (at times a true deficiency) in myself and learn that it may be important for me to push myself to do what is best in each situation. 

Let me share an example:  I am sitting in a meeting when a clear conflict arises. Things are getting tense. People are shifting in their chairs. My natural tendency is to rush in as a mediator, trying to smooth things over and calm them down, and hopefully cover over the conflict. But conflict is sometimes the only way to get to a solution.  There are times when we need to live through it. In these times the answer might be as simple as closing my mouth, sitting on my hands, and letting everything develop. 

In other words, instead of trying to flee the storm, I need to pull the throttle back to idle. I must make the conscious choice to live through the storm rather than avoid it. The situation can become tense and uncomfortable. The dark clouds, the thunder and the waves can be frightening. But it is only by going through the storm that we get safely to the other side. 

It might seem possible to run away from problems but the relief may be only temporary. The problem hasn’t been solved and can keep coming back. In that situation, running away doesn’t help. It only delays the solution. The best thing is to go ahead and deal with it. Instead of running, hiding, or ignoring the problem, it might be better to pull the throttle to idle and focus on what needs to be done. Make the phone call. Have the conversation. Or let the situation develop around you so that you can then deal with it or live through it, rather than having it just chase you.

Sarah has taught me the, “Can we talk?” technique. She says that she will throw that phrase out and then she is committed. It is her way of pulling the throttle back to idle and turning around to face the storm. She says that there are times when you need to walk through the chaos so that you can get to what is good on the other side.

It was great that day that my grandparents shared the story of the storm (and a few other storms) with us. It was amazing sitting with them in their kitchen having them reminisce on what life was like when they were young (like we were as we listened to their stories). I loved it. It was so valuable to us to learn more about them and their lives. It helped me see them differently. There was so much depth and so many experiences that made up who they were. They had been through many storms and events in their life. They lived through the storms. They came out on the other side.  

In life, storms will come, and storms will go. Often it is perfectly fine to run for shelter. Sometimes that is not the answer. Sometimes you need to turn and face the storm. By the grace of God, you can live through the storm. My grandparents did. Most of us have lived through many storms. 

You can live through the storm, face it and come out okay on the other side. You might even be better because of it. 

And you may have a wonder of a story to tell your children and grandchildren after you do.