“Now is the time, now is the best time, now is the best time of your life!”
That was at one point the song that played in Disney’s “Carousel of Progress.” I torture my family by insisting on going through that ride whenever we go to Disney. But I really like it. I am not sure why. The first time I saw it as a child I was amazed by it. The animatronics were cool. But also, the idea of how things have changed over time fascinates me. More than that, it is trying to imagine what it was like to live during those times.
Do you do this?
I love to think about what life was like for my parents when they were my age. I love to think about my grandparent’s lives.
What did it feel like to be alive in WWII? What was it like in the 50’s. I look at old pictures of my parents when they were young and wonder what they felt or how it was for them. I take my current age and think about what things were like when they were that age. Is it odd that I would have nostalgia for them? I will call this “empathetic nostalgia”. That is – trying to feel what they feel when they look back.
One day my father said something that was very profound.
I have never told him but this wisdom has had a huge impact on my life. I am very thankful to him for having taught me this.
He said, “Some of our happiest days were when all of you kids were home. We could put you to bed at night and know that you were all safe and sound upstairs.”
Why was this so profound?
It is not just about the safety of our children. That is important but that is not the main point.
The main point is that life is fleeting and temporary. Your day today is only going to be here today. You will not get it back. If your children are sleeping soundly upstairs and it feels good, you must enjoy it because it will not be that way in the future. In fact, you should savor it like you would the last bite of a delicious dessert. Love it. Enjoy it. Taste it. Make it linger in your mouth for as long as you can.
The lesson he taught me was to cherish today.
Especially as a father – the lesson – was to really really enjoy my children when they were with me.
As we had our daughters this was imprinted on my brain and impacted how I lived my life. What sort of a father was I going to be? Was I going to delegate everything to my wife because she was the mother? I was NOT going to do this. I knew that I was only going to get one chance to do all of the phases of their lives and I really wanted to be a part of them.
What does that mean?
For one it meant that I got down on the floor.
I remember this as a very conscious decision that I made. I decided that I was going to get down on the floor with my daughters and play with them. If they were interested in something, I was going to enjoy it with them. If they wanted to watch a movie cuddled under a blanket, I was going to be under that blanket with them. If they wanted to wrestle and play, then I was going to have fun and wrestle and play. When they were outside, I would play the big bad wolf and chase them around the yard while they giggled and ran to their play house. I would do it. And I would savor every minute.
Of course, I had to work during the day, but at night when I was home, I was going to be with them as much as was possible. And so the second thing was that bedtime was a Daddy job.I got to take them upstairs to help them get ready. I got to go through the bedtime rituals. And I loved it. The hardest part of the year I spent in Cleveland (as a geographic bachelor) was thinking about not being the bedtime parent. Bless my wife who would still let me be a part of it every night via phone. Those phone calls saved me.
As they progressed through their growing up years, the principle stuck. Today was the day that I was given to be a part of their lives. I was going to live today as much as I was able to do so. I was going to force myself to stop and savor the moments.
I won’t claim to be perfect. I was clearly not. But the thought of the wisdom from my father stayed with me. Yes, it was good to have them all home. I had better not miss out on it, whatever that might look like.
I may write about this later (I have written it but not yet sure if I will post it), but the 3 hardest days of my adult life have been related to missing out on, or thinking of missing out on, things in my girls’ lives.
It is really nice now when they are all here. I want to make sure the house is warm and secure and cozy. I want to enjoy knowing that they are all here and safe.
But also, I really want to thank my Daddy. Because of his wisdom, I have savored – I have worked to truly enjoy – all of the times that I have had with them. Today only happens to be here today. If I get a chance to be a part of their lives today then that I will do today.
Thanks Dad!
