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Being human Medicine Reflections on Life, Being Human, and Medicine

Ta-da!

It doesn’t matter who or when this was. But he was brilliant. He had incredible drive and vision. He would dream, plan and then execute. But it didn’t come off the way he wanted. Why not?

It was because he did it as a “Ta-da!”  

It was an inappropriate “Ta-da.”

What do I mean by that?

We think that we can perform like showmen in a circus. We dream, plan, and prepare the show. We practice so that we can perform flawlessly. We plan and get the supplies and decorations and everything in place. We do it ourselves, in secret, so that to the audience it is a wonderful surprise. You wouldn’t want to take away the mystery of the surprise by showing them the tedium that went into the planning. It should come off in presentation suddenly. And when it does, they will be in awe. You jump out with your arms held wide and yell, “Ta-da!” They will stand and applaud at the wonderful thing that you did in front of them.

At least that is how it is supposed to work.

And if we were working for the circus, for people who were coming to be entertained, it would be the right way to do things.

But in business, in the workplace, and often in life, that is not how things work.

It made me sad to see him jump out with his arms held wide. The loud “Ta-da!” was met with an awkward silence, or even worse, with anger and disapproval.  There were people who were impressed and clapped. But they were not the people around him who worked with him. 

And it is not just him. I too have done the same thing. For someone who is young, passionate and driven it is not an easy lesson to know and embrace.

What is wrong? Those who are experienced in the working world and in management immediately understand. Success is not about just achieving results. Results are important but there is much more. Success is about having “us” achieve results. Success is about a team that grows and develops so that the results are reproduceable and sustainable. It is not about one dazzling performance. It is about excellent sustainable operations. And for that, the process is as important as the end result.

When he yelled, “Ta-da!”, those around him suddenly felt hot, disappointed, and left out. They could have done things. They could have contributed. But instead he didn’t involve them. They were excluded. They were a part of the team. But he left them out. He made them miss out. They couldn’t celebrate the success because it was only his success. It was not their success. It was even worse than that. It was an opportunity or a success that he stole from them.

Him: I am going to do something great for the department. This will be so good for everyone.

Them: He never involves us in the important things. He runs away from us and works in isolation. He is not a part of the team. He is all about only himself. 

What is the lesson? Be very careful if what you are planning is a “Ta-da!”  

When you have an idea or a vision – think about the team. Who will care about what you want to do? Who can and should contribute? How can you have them go on the journey with you? 

It is not as easy. In fact, it is a lot harder to push yourself to have others be a part of things with you. We all have hated the “group projects” in school. We know the challenges. But it is better. In the end, your success will be magnified by a multiple of how many people you have involved.

Step 1:Vision – This you can do. This is when you get the idea. You may see the need or the opportunity. 

Step 2:Change management: Communicate the need (even declaring a crisis) to get others on board. That is the start. They have to see and feel the problem. Then you can move on. Get them motivated and enthused about your vision. If you are really good at this – get them to think that the vision is coming from them rather than you – or ideally – that this is a vision that came out of the group. Please do not think you have lost something if others don’t recognize that the idea started with you. The victory is so much better bringing the group with you that it is worth sacrificing this little bit of “credit.”

Step 3:Determine the team. Who should be involved? What roles should they have?

Step 4:Get people working and keep them working. Even if you have to do most of it yourself, look for ways that they can be contributing. Instead of going to a meeting with a polished plan, go with an open agenda with a presentation of the problems and guide them to help develop the plan. If you are really skillful, you will be able to guide them to develop the plan that you have thought of in advance but it will be so much better with their contributions. 

Step 5:Deliver. A lot of things never go forward because they need a person or persons to push them to completion. But in the process keep going back to the team and pull them into contributing their aspect of the project.

Step 6:Celebrate. Not a “Ta-da!” But instead a group celebration that is really worth it and meaningful.

My mind can race forward at times. I can dream up things. I run forward with them. I can type fast and it is easy for me to go from problem to resolution to plan in a single bound. It is oddly easier for me to come in with a 4-page document with problem, background, research, and solutions than it is to slow down and masterfully guide a process. But it is the wrong thing to do. 

I hand them my 4-page document. It surprises me when people get stuck on the 1stparagraph. It shouldn’t. I have had time to sit alone and work through it all already. This is their 1stexposure to it. They need to understand the problem, and then walk through a process of how to solve the problem. If I give them the solution immediately, they are not ready for it.  

The 4-page document actually ends up achieving much less than I would have achieved if I had only brought the 1stparagraph.

How about you? Do you understand that victories that you achieve alone are generally empty and meaningless? Do you know that the process, building the team and sustainability are much richer victories? Are you able to be a “master?” Can you be mature enough to intentionally move more slowly, bringing people with you as you go? Even if you may be so clever as to be 4-5 steps ahead of everyone else, can you bury that for a while for the rich blessings that come from doing it with everyone else?

I tried to explain to him how he could easily alienate others.

He didn’t hear me.

The “Ta-da’s” didn’t work.

Categories
Being human Reflections on Life, Being Human, and Medicine

Nostalgia

I just had a nice dream. It was warm and cozy and I woke up feeling the same way. It was really nice.

I am trying to figure out the good feeling. I think it is nostalgia.

In the dream I am with some of my favorite people. I am of course with Sarah. My college roommate John was there. The girls were of course there. They also each had several friends there. They were all just enjoying being here with us and it was nice. Eventually Sarah slipped outside. The next thing I know I heard the lawn mower and figured that she must be mowing. I stayed in the basement and started going through the book shelves. I started seeing old pictures and I was happy to be there. I was reliving things. And I wasn’t focusing too long on anything. I was just enjoying the feeling. I was trying to sustain the warm feeling.

And then I woke up. As you can tell, I am awake now and not able to go back to sleep.

Can I recapture the feeling?

I think it is nostalgia. 

This wonderful feeling of looking back and reliving and enjoying the past. Nostalgia is a little bit like sweet and sour. It is never without some wincing and remembering the pain but also you remember the good times. More than that, you remember the people. It is like a sweet indulgence. Perhaps you idealize it all a bit but it is your nostalgia. Go ahead! 

I know that we should not live in the past. But I think there is real value in nostalgia. The people and the places and times should not be so easily forgotten. We are on a journey in life. And is it really enough to only live each experience once? Isn’t it nice to re-taste, to re-experience, to re-feel good times again?

As I had to deal with my own mortality it occured to me that someday I won’t be here. I have no idea when that is going to occur.  It could be many years from now but being human I know that we all have a 100% mortality rate. I want people to be a little bit nostalgic and have scenes with me in them. I hope that they can take some time and replay some nice scenes with me and others. I think I will do so now. I am going to go to my memory bookshelf and pull out some nice ones:

  1. My daddy: One day we were walking through the fields to go get something. I don’t remember what was the purpose of the walk but it doesn’t matter. We were in the field across from the Lewandowski’s. It was just me and my Dad. And he picked me up and put me on his shoulders. That is a treasured memory for me. It is wonderful. I have replayed that old favorite a lot.
  2. My mom: I am sitting on the hump in the front of the car. I lean over and put my head against her shoulder and I know that I am safe. I rest and fall asleep.
  3. Sarah’s Dad: We are driving a rented truck to move us across the country. Sarah and her mom are in the car and Sarah’s Dad and I are in the truck. He starts telling me stories of his younger years. I can tell that he is forcing himself to talk. I suspect he was under orders to get to know me and to keep me awake while I drove. Nonetheless I loved how he was putting himself out there and pushing so that he could get to know his son-in-law. It was really nice.
  4. Sarah’s Mom: She is sitting at her desk in her kitchen. It doesn’t matter what she was doing or what we were doing. But it was clear that we would always settle in and we would end up talking about all sorts of things. It was a place to talk and analyze and think. It was such a special place. 
  5. Grandpa D: We are picking peaches in the orchard. He is talking in great detail about some events from the hospital board meeting. I can still hear his laugh as he tells my dad the details. I didn’t listen to what the story was. But I loved hearing how much it meant to him and his laugh as he told it.
  6. Grandma D: I was clever enough to be the one to drive the fruit to the market. We are driving back from Bangor and she starts pointing out all of the homes that she visited when she was campaigning for my grandfather (he was a county commissioner). There was so much depth to her. She was not just a farm wife. She was passionate and took on causes (like the cancer society) and this was just one glimpse that there was a lot to her.
  7. Grandpa H: It was time to go home from their house. He would come up and hug us. His beard was bristly but I didn’t mind. I knew that he loved all of us so much. They would stand outside at their house and wave and wave and wave until we were so far away that we could no longer see them. And we longed to turn around and go back.
  8. Grandma H: “The faster I go the behinder I get!” This was the wall plaque hanging in her kitchen on Dunbar. And she would make the most amazing foods. The house was warm with her love and I can picture each room and relive being there. Even now I get warm inside just thinking about being in her kitchen eating her goulash with pepperoni or something in it and hearing her talk. 

See. 

There is nothing wrong with nostalgia in that way. I am not saying that I don’t want to live and enjoy today. But to live each experience only once seems to be such a shame. There are so many really really good ones to replay and to relive in my mind.

I have dozens that I could replay that happened with Sarah and the girls. Or friends in college. Or whenever.

What are some of your favorites?