Falling Down – Or Not? What Does Confidence Mean in Your Work and Personal Life?

I didn’t grow up skiing. I went once as a teen and enjoyed it. I wasn’t very good but by the end of the evening I was able to get to the bottom of the intermediate hill without falling down (even if I did flail a bit to stop at the bottom.)

Later as an adult I wanted to try again. I didn’t take a lesson but instead just rented the “slowest” skis I could get and went out to the hills. I shortly mastered the bunny hill and the magic carpet and then with some growing confidence headed for slopes with a bigger challenge. 

The ski lift was terrifying at first. I worried I would not be able to get off without falling down in disgrace. I was so pleased with myself when I kept my wits and slid off and away from the lift at the top of the hill. I got my nerve up and found the easiest slope I could find and then I headed down the hill. 

With practice, my snow ploughing improved, and I was able to maintain somewhat of a controlled descent down the hills. I of course fell down a few times but knew that was inevitable. As I did so it seemed common to have an 8-year-old ski backwards by me checking to see if I was okay. 

Yes, it was humbling. 

But nothing is gained in life without pushing myself to do things I am not good at and being willing to swallow a large dose of humility in the process. 

As the night progressed, I got better but I began to discover something very interesting.

Whether or not I fell down seemed to be much less related to the hill, my skis or even my abilities. Instead, if I decided I was going to fall I would fall. If I decided that I could hold it together and right myself many times (not all) I would correct things and stabilize upright again. 

That was many years ago, but I have seen this principle play out over and over again. I have observed it as a truth in my life and in the lives of many others. 

• It is easy to fall down. 
• If you decide to fall down, you likely will. 
• If instead you doggedly decide to not fall down, you might (just might) not fall down.

We often see this with our politicians. It amazes me how some of them seem to have egregious events happen and yet keep upright and just keep sliding forward. Others have one small event and end up destroyed by it.

Let me be clear:

• If you have talent for something, it is easier.  If you do not have talent, it is harder.  Sometimes you fall just because it is not something that you are ever going to be good at.
• If you train to do something, when you start you will have failures. Failures are not an indication that you should not do something new. They are just a sign that you are learning and growing.  
• This leads to a second or corollary fact: 
  • The ability to fail and keep trying happens to be one of the amazing characteristics of what it means to be a human. 
    • It is possible to push yourself and teach yourself to do something new. 
    • If you really want something you can chose to work to gain the new skill.
    • The more you do it, the easier it gets and the better you get at doing it. 
  • There is a choice here: 
    • You can choose to avoid all failure and adopt a life of ease. In that sort of life, you will not grow, and you will deprive yourself of a LOT of rich and rewarding experiences. 
    • You can also choose a different sort of life where you push yourself and grow.  You will likely fall down a few times at first. 
    • We need to remind each other that it is okay (and really good) to do something new purely because you want to.

This brings us back to the key point of this blog:  In life, if you think you are going to fall down, you will. Panic and loss of confidence inevitably lead to failure. If you decide that you don’t want to fall down, many times you can save yourself from falling. 

One of our administrators used to have a poster of “Wonder Woman” on the back of her door.^[1]

When we had to take on a particularly hard situation, we would stand in her office and assume the “Wonder Woman” pose. It was amazing how much that would help. After having put our hands on our hips and stood up bold and straight, we could then walk out of the office with strength to face whatever task we needed to take on. 

Confidence alone doesn’t make you “Wonder Woman.” Confidence does help you take on and be successful at things that you really can and should be able to do.

If you need to speak up at a meeting or gathering, don’t shrink away meekly. Push yourself up (picture the Wonder Woman pose) and say what you need to say. If you have push back from others, you can choose to be deflated and shrink away. You can choose to fall down. You do not need to. You can decide to keep going to argue your point. Often (not always) if you do this you will succeed.

Whether or not you fall down is often as much a choice as it is an inevitability.

If you need to lead, then lead. Don’t apologize or do it weakly. You are not helping anyone if you do that. Do it with confidence. When (not if) you face opposition don’t seek to run away, instead face it. Don’t panic. Forget about falling down. Look forward and tell yourself to ski through it.

I don’t go skiing very much anymore. But I can if I want to. And when I do, most of the time I don’t fall down.

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^[1] Shout out to Michelle!