Category: Reflections on Life, Being Human, and Medicine

Reflections on a variety of topics. My hope is to stir your thinking and perhaps even give you things to talk about in regards to what it means to be human, about life in general, and often times on the practice of medicine.

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Being human Reflections on Life, Being Human, and Medicine Reflections on the Christian Life

What I Learned From Wearing an Ugly Blue Smock – Or – Learning to Be Held and Not Just Hold On

The smock was a loose-fitting blue waist length jacket. They had a rack of them. You were supposed to just pick a random jacket off the rack and put it on. I felt a little bit foolish in it. It was not the epitome of fashion or style. It was clearly not cool. But, as I would later discover, it was empowering.

I was volunteering as a chaplain’s assistant in medical school. 

I wanted to understand more of the spiritual side of medicine. As a medical student I felt bound by my position as to what I should or should not do. It is hard to cross the line from the medical to the spiritual.[1]It is not often clear if or when it is appropriate to do this. There is a distinct power gradient between physician and patient that must be respected. And therefore, crossing this line must be very carefully done and commonly by invitation only. I generally now ask myself, “How would I want to be treated as a patient by a physician with beliefs different than my own?”

But as a medical student how was I to learn? Would I really be a full physician if I did not understand the spiritual as well as the physical? My Christian faith made me want to integrate the two together. If I was going to be a Christian and a physician, I wanted to be able to understand how to provide spiritual care to my patients when I was invited to do so. If my own spiritual life was important how could I ignore it completely in my patients?

Some of my friends from the CMDA[2]had worked as volunteer chaplains. I thought it might be a good idea. It would give me a chance to take on a different role. I hoped that I could minister to patients. In so doing I might possibly help them, and they might help me develop as a person in the process.

There was not a lot of orientation. We were told that we would be given a list of the floors that we could go visit. We should respect patients’ privacy. And we should wear the “chaplain volunteer smock.” That was about it. 

I put on my smock, took my paper that told me what floor and units I was allowed to visit and headed off. 

I had little idea what I was going to do or what I was doing. I figured I would just do my best to try to talk to people. In the process perhaps, I could encourage them. I hoped that I might share some of my faith with them. I hoped I might possibly help them spiritually in their time of trouble in the hospital. It was a little bit scary.

I would pop into each room and introduce myself as a chaplain volunteer and ask if they wanted to talk. The vast majority of the time I was promptly excused. They would tell me, “Thank you, but I am fine.” I would then move onto the next room and then the same pattern would repeat over and over again. Once I had made it around the unit I would head back, hang up my smock and go back to my life as a medical student.

I remember one patient in particular. He looked to be in his early 20s. I don’t know what his medical problem was. He looked to have been in the hospital for a while.  What stood out were his reading materials. On his bed and nightstand, he had a variety of pornographic magazines scattered around. Standing there in the chaplain’s smock, it made me feel awkward and uncomfortable. He didn’t try to hide the magazines. I asked my standard question of whether he wanted to talk or not. He didn’t. I was happy to leave.

This was my pattern for a while.  And then I discovered a secret technique. 

I asked people if they wanted to pray.

It was like magic. 

Almost every time their guard would drop, and they would say yes. I could see a visible change on their faces. They would no longer be in a defensive or “playing strong” mode. Their posture would change. They would soften. They would welcome me into their room. They would let me into their world. 

And I would pray for them. It would not be unusual for them to have tears in their eyes when I finished. I would thank them for letting me be a part of their lives and their struggle. They would always thank me. It was amazing!

Why were these like “magic words?” I have thought about this for years. 

I think if we can understand this, we will have gained a fundamental understanding of the human condition. We will just begin to understand a bit of how we were created and how we are intended to function.

Dependency.

Or the phrase I picked up years ago[3], “Learning to be held and not just hold on.”

I believe that we were created by a loving God to be loved by Him and to love Him back. We were created for a role of dependency on Him, our creator. We were created to trust Him, like a child trusting His parents. 

I remember the comfortable feeling of sitting in the front seat of my parent’s car and leaning my head over onto my mother’s shoulder. It was warm and soft, and I was safe. I knew that I was in a good place and where I was supposed to be. 

In the same manner, I believe in a God who wants me to live a life in which I trust in His presence and His love for me. 

Remember my blog about, “Never Forget the Value of Play?”[4]In that I talked about what a driven and somewhat neurotic young man I was in my dating relationship with Sarah. I approached her with the intensity of a young pre-med and nearly destroyed our relationship. In her graciousness to me, she guided me and taught me how to have a true love relationship. I had to learn to just be with her, or to just be. 

So also, with religion. I think we all become somewhat neurotic. We begin this desperate effort to “earn” or “achieve” God, when what He really wants of us is a restored relationship. He wants us to depend on Him for our salvation and for our spiritual journey with Him. He wants us to learn, “To be held and not just hold on.” 

He Himself has paid the price for our sins. He has set a path for restoration to the place that we are supposed to be in relationship with Him. He just asks us to call on Him and rely on Him and trust in Him to do so.

And so, I did learn a lot as a chaplain’s volunteer. I learned about the human condition. I learned about our place before God. And I learned about the power of prayer.

I was scared to go to the young man’s room again. You remember – the one with the pornographic magazines on his bed. But I felt duty bound. 

“Do you want to talk?” 

“NOPE!” 

“Would you like me to pray for you.”

The tears started running down his face. His shoulders dropped. He nodded yes. And I prayed. 

[1]We could have a long discussion about this line and a wholistic approach to medicine. That is beyond the scope of this blog. I am open to learning from you. If you have ideas that differ from mine, would you please message me? I am quite open to learning from you.

[2]CMDA = Christian Medical and Dental Association, https://cmda.org

[3]This was a phrase from the 2100 Studies multimedia production, “Habakkuk”. This was a production put on by InterVarsity Christian Fellowship. I cannot find a reference to it anymore, but when this presentation was put on that phrase was the number one item on the comment cards that people said impacted them.

[4]https://manmedicineandmike.com/never-forget-the-value-of-play/

Categories
Being human Reflections on Life, Being Human, and Medicine Reflections on the Christian Life

How to Drive on a Country Road and What It Can Teach You About Life

I learned how to drive on country roads. These roads are crowned. That means that they are higher in the center and lower on the edges. This must be to help the water to run off. They are wide enough for two cars to pass but there are often no lines on them. You must use your judgment when meeting a car as to how the two of you share the road.

I had to learn how to drive on these roads. 

Early on I would get over to the side too early. 

As I saw a car coming, I would slide to one side so that we could pass. Oddly I would find that the other cars would seem to take over even more of the road. Often, they would rise to the top of the crown. Sometimes it was so bad that it felt that they would even run me right off of the road. I had a few times when it was really scary.

I had to learn how to drive on these roads. I was not doing it properly.

I learned that I should not get over so soon. I would in fact take a position more centered on the road. As we grew near to each other only then would I get over and we would each take our fair share of the road. 

Everything worked much better when I would do it that way. I drive that way to this day.  I was never told to do this. But by trial and error I have learned that this works much better. Before this I have seldom ever really talked about this technique. When I brought it up with my wife however, she laughed and told me that she has watched how I do this. She completely understands and agrees that it works well.

I felt odd doing this at first. It felt almost like I was being a bit rude. I was pushing for or exerting my rights to the road. It was not the attitude of the humble servant that I had learned in the Bible. Instead I was asserting myself. The humble servant approach was getting me hurt. It was letting the others take serious advantage of me. They did not seem to recognize the gesture when I got over early. On the contrary they put both of us at risk when I did so by taking too much of the road. 

Oddly, by pushing them – by taking the center of the road and getting over later – I was helping them to be safer. 

By exerting my rights, I was actually making things better for both of us.

By letting them hurt me, I was hurting them.

By holding them accountable, I was helping them.

I was being better – perhaps even more kind – by not being so permissive.

That is a hard lesson. I do think it is one of the really important lessons of life. It is one of those issues of balance that is not obvious but which is so wise.

We all have to live together. We all ought to treat each other with respect. We all ought to recognize the rights and boundaries in our interactions with each other. The Bible is right and true when it teaches us the immense value in being humble and serving others. But there is a balance. It does not mean that we let people destroy themselvesby abusing us or our rights.

Let me explain more:

  • If I value you, I will respect you. 
  • I will believe that you have the capability to be civil and kind and that you will treat me properly. 
  • I should expect better of you so that you can achieve better. 
  • Kindness and proper treatment of you means that I expect you to treat me properly.

If I give up on you, then I am committing a wrong against you. I am assuming some pretty awful things about you. By taking on the role of a martyr in our relationship I am sacrificing you and my respect for you.Oddly – by letting you take advantage of me I am treating you poorly. I have sacrificed who I think you are. I have stopped treating you with respect.

This is all based on an unfortunate but very true reality of human existence. We all are inherently selfish. This is a sad but true fact. Without boundaries or restraints on us we do tend to take advantage of each other. This is a part of what it means to be a human in a fallen world. We all want to think that we are wonderful and giving and selfless. But when someone “gets over too soon” on the road of life, we tend to take the main part of the road. We do this ALL THE TIME. We may not even notice that we do this. It is a big part of being human. And the world will never make sense to you until you can recognize these tendencies in yourself.

I will openly and honestly confess that I have seen this tendency in myself. I don’t want to think that I do this, but I do. I hope that you can understand that you do this as well. Yes, it is wrong, and it is not “pretty” but it is the way we all are.

I function best when I have honest relationships. 

When I have friends who truly value me, they respect me enough to hold me accountable. If I hurt them, they say, “No. What are you doing?” This immediate correction pushes me back to the type of person that I want to be. They are believing in me and pushing me back to being a better person. If they meekly let me walk all over them, they are causing a deep harm to me.

And so there must be a balance in our relationships.


Please be humble. Do not think more highly of yourself than you ought. That is good.

Please be a servant. Where you are able, please help others. In so doing the Lord can and will notice and honor you.

But also, please be honest with people. Push them to be better versions of themselves. If they are harming you by their speech or actions, do not let them do so. Say, “Ouch!” Say, “No!” Say, “What are you doing?” 

For you see, you have a responsibility to others in life. You must take your own portion of the road and hold it. You must push them so that they treat you and others properly and with respect. You must push them to not be selfish. You must be honest about the harm that they are doing when they are selfish. 

And oddly, this is an immense kindness to them. You are helping them to be better persons. While you may be willing to suffer the consequences of their mistreatment of you, you may be harming them when you do so. 

Here is how to drive the roads of life:

  • Drive safely. Pay attention to the other people around you. Be alert.
  • Take the part of the road that you are due. Expect them to give it to you. Do not yield it up too soon. Maybe even push over the line toward them a little bit to get their attention if necessary.
  • When the time comes to meet, yield readily. With humility and servitude slide over to your side of the road so that there is more than enough room to pass.
  • Smile at them as you both pass each other with dignity and respect.