Category: Reflections on Life, Being Human, and Medicine

Reflections on a variety of topics. My hope is to stir your thinking and perhaps even give you things to talk about in regards to what it means to be human, about life in general, and often times on the practice of medicine.

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Being human Reflections on Life, Being Human, and Medicine Reflections on the Christian Life

I Have It All Figured Out

Heavy raindrops falling into a puddle

It is a good thing that I have it all figured out. You know – life, how to live my life, the universe, my place in it all – all of it. It is a good thing that I have it all figured out.

Not.

People like puzzles. They like to be challenged so that they can then conquer them and be satisfied. We want to think that life is the same way. There is this odd and very tempting thing in our minds that challenges us to figure everything out. We think we can make sense of it all. If we just try hard enough, we will pull it all in order and make it all make sense. It will finally click. It is just on the tip of our tongues – or just barely within reach of our brains.

I can be in charge then. I can with great cleverness and wisdom drive the pattern and direction of my life. I can figure out what I want to do, where I want to be and how I want my life to run. I can be in charge of my destiny. I can do it my way and make it my own.

But it is not true. 

There are times when I don’t have the slightest idea what to do next. I go from times when there are dozens of things in front of me to do. And then a moment later I don’t know what I want to or should do next. 

I don’t know what is going to happen in the coming day let alone in the coming months or years. I like to pretend that I am in charge. Like some huckster or magician, I pretend that what happened was in my plans and that I pulled it all off with great grace. But the truth is that I was mostly just responding to whatever happened in the moment as it came. It was really much more like “sight-reading” rather than performing a well-practiced and planned piece of music. 

The universe is so incredibly complicated. There are so many moving parts. There is of course purpose and meaning. That is why my brain seeks it out and tries to make sense of it. There are many things that do make sense. But there is a lot that does not. There is a lot that goes far beyond my simple ability to understand it. 

I think that if we were to be able to be pulled far above and beyond ourselves, we would see this. Imagine it is like google earth. You can zoom out so that you are looking from way above so that you could see all of the events on your life’s timeline and all the intersecting events from others timelines in perspective. Then all of the swirling complicated influences would make sense. We would be able to see the outrageous complexity and we would laugh. “There was NO WAY you could understand it all,” we would tell ourselves.  “From here you can see it. But when you are down in it there is no way you could see it.”

Chaos theory says that there is purpose and order in our universe. It only appears to be chaos because there are multiple very complicated intersecting levels of purpose and order. A pebble drops in the water and the waves make clear sense. If two pebbles drop in the water at the same time the intersecting waves are more complicated, but our brains are strong enough to be able to understand the interactions and reflections of the waves. But if a thousand pebbles drop in the water at the same time the complexities are so amazing that the waves look like utter chaos. Of course, there is order and purpose behind all of those waves even if we cannot make sense of them. It is just too complicated for us to see it all.

In living this life then I go from confidence to despair. I go from thinking in my cleverness that I understand my place and purpose to feeling like I don’t understand anything. I go from arrogant independence to humble dependence. I go from confidence to insecurity and at times to peace.

Peace. How can we realize that? I had a friend one time who dropped his guard and said that peace is a fallacy. It is a word that people say but does not really exist. The problem of course was that he was really really smart. His mind could make sense of science and the problems in front of him. But his reality was not just a thousand, but a million pebbles dropped in the water all at once. This reality could not be neatly sorted out by his brain and it therefore robbed him of the concept of peace.

I have felt peace at times. How?

If only there were someone who could be pulled way up into the clouds to oversee my timeline. Like the google earth zooming out so very very far that they could see the myriad of intersecting events that were driving my reality. If that person could be trusted – a friend – a love. They could reassure me. “Peace, child.” “It all makes sense.” “You cannot see it all or understand it, but there is purpose and order and meaning.” “It is too complex for me to explain it to you. You are going to have to just trust me. It makes sense. It is ok.”

I think you can see where I am going with this.

Our brains and our very beings seek purpose and meaning. We sense that it must all be there. And it is.

So how do we live within this:

  1. Step one: Seek God. Seek one who has created and understands this. The God of the Bible says that He is a loving and all-knowing God. He amazingly wants to be in relationship with us. Through the gospel He has created a way so that we could be in relationship with Him. He wants to be that person – that friend – that Father – who has the perspective that we long for. 
  2. Step two: Spend time with Him. Rather than hours spent wrestling with the complex reality puzzle as though you are going to figure it all out, spend time with the one who understands the answer to the puzzle. It is ok to try to solve the puzzle. It is natural for us to want to do this. But when we are frustrated it is time to go to the answer key – or more appropriately – to the one who holds and knows the answer.
  3. Step three: This is the hard one. Be at peace knowing that there is an answer key but that we are not going to get to read it. This is really hard. “Yes, there is an answer to the riddle. But “no” I am not going to tell you. I will not tell you because it is too complex for you to understand.”  Perhaps a better way to phrase this is, “Peace, child, you cannot understand.” Peace comes from trusting the relationship. That is hard. We have to admit that we are limited and be willing to trust and rest and love the one who can see it all. It is truly humble dependency.
  4. Step four: Pray. “But certainly, He does not want to hear about all of my little concerns?” But He does. Because the concerns are not little to you. Because they are important to you then they are important to Him. Just like I would want to hear about my children’s concerns. The second-grade spelling test was not a small thing to them. So then it was not a small thing to me. God is very clear about this. He wants to hear about it all. Even if He cannot explain it all to you, He wants to hear nonetheless.

In arrogance we often pretend that we have it all figured out. We make the world into crisp lines of black and white. We provide advice and simple answers to the so many that are struggling to navigate through this world. When it is our turn to struggle, we hide away our doubts and fears, just holding our breath waiting for the time when order will return. We wait for when we can be in control of our lives again. We put on a costume of being in control for those times when things are out of control. We lack peace but pretend as though it is there for us. 

I do not have everything figured out. I never will. Oh of course I will have aspects of things figured out. From time to time things will seem to make sense. But this is a complicated life. It does not all make sense.

My Lord knows me and loves me. He has provided a means by which I can have an intimate relationship with Him. In that relationship then I can have peace. 

“Peace, child. It does make sense. I know it can be hard on you. I know it can be painful. There is purpose and structure and meaning to it all. If I tried to explain it, it would not help. You must trust me. It is ok.”

“Peace.”

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Being human Medicine Reflections on Life, Being Human, and Medicine

Ta-da!

It doesn’t matter who or when this was. But he was brilliant. He had incredible drive and vision. He would dream, plan and then execute. But it didn’t come off the way he wanted. Why not?

It was because he did it as a “Ta-da!”  

It was an inappropriate “Ta-da.”

What do I mean by that?

We think that we can perform like showmen in a circus. We dream, plan, and prepare the show. We practice so that we can perform flawlessly. We plan and get the supplies and decorations and everything in place. We do it ourselves, in secret, so that to the audience it is a wonderful surprise. You wouldn’t want to take away the mystery of the surprise by showing them the tedium that went into the planning. It should come off in presentation suddenly. And when it does, they will be in awe. You jump out with your arms held wide and yell, “Ta-da!” They will stand and applaud at the wonderful thing that you did in front of them.

At least that is how it is supposed to work.

And if we were working for the circus, for people who were coming to be entertained, it would be the right way to do things.

But in business, in the workplace, and often in life, that is not how things work.

It made me sad to see him jump out with his arms held wide. The loud “Ta-da!” was met with an awkward silence, or even worse, with anger and disapproval.  There were people who were impressed and clapped. But they were not the people around him who worked with him. 

And it is not just him. I too have done the same thing. For someone who is young, passionate and driven it is not an easy lesson to know and embrace.

What is wrong? Those who are experienced in the working world and in management immediately understand. Success is not about just achieving results. Results are important but there is much more. Success is about having “us” achieve results. Success is about a team that grows and develops so that the results are reproduceable and sustainable. It is not about one dazzling performance. It is about excellent sustainable operations. And for that, the process is as important as the end result.

When he yelled, “Ta-da!”, those around him suddenly felt hot, disappointed, and left out. They could have done things. They could have contributed. But instead he didn’t involve them. They were excluded. They were a part of the team. But he left them out. He made them miss out. They couldn’t celebrate the success because it was only his success. It was not their success. It was even worse than that. It was an opportunity or a success that he stole from them.

Him: I am going to do something great for the department. This will be so good for everyone.

Them: He never involves us in the important things. He runs away from us and works in isolation. He is not a part of the team. He is all about only himself. 

What is the lesson? Be very careful if what you are planning is a “Ta-da!”  

When you have an idea or a vision – think about the team. Who will care about what you want to do? Who can and should contribute? How can you have them go on the journey with you? 

It is not as easy. In fact, it is a lot harder to push yourself to have others be a part of things with you. We all have hated the “group projects” in school. We know the challenges. But it is better. In the end, your success will be magnified by a multiple of how many people you have involved.

Step 1:Vision – This you can do. This is when you get the idea. You may see the need or the opportunity. 

Step 2:Change management: Communicate the need (even declaring a crisis) to get others on board. That is the start. They have to see and feel the problem. Then you can move on. Get them motivated and enthused about your vision. If you are really good at this – get them to think that the vision is coming from them rather than you – or ideally – that this is a vision that came out of the group. Please do not think you have lost something if others don’t recognize that the idea started with you. The victory is so much better bringing the group with you that it is worth sacrificing this little bit of “credit.”

Step 3:Determine the team. Who should be involved? What roles should they have?

Step 4:Get people working and keep them working. Even if you have to do most of it yourself, look for ways that they can be contributing. Instead of going to a meeting with a polished plan, go with an open agenda with a presentation of the problems and guide them to help develop the plan. If you are really skillful, you will be able to guide them to develop the plan that you have thought of in advance but it will be so much better with their contributions. 

Step 5:Deliver. A lot of things never go forward because they need a person or persons to push them to completion. But in the process keep going back to the team and pull them into contributing their aspect of the project.

Step 6:Celebrate. Not a “Ta-da!” But instead a group celebration that is really worth it and meaningful.

My mind can race forward at times. I can dream up things. I run forward with them. I can type fast and it is easy for me to go from problem to resolution to plan in a single bound. It is oddly easier for me to come in with a 4-page document with problem, background, research, and solutions than it is to slow down and masterfully guide a process. But it is the wrong thing to do. 

I hand them my 4-page document. It surprises me when people get stuck on the 1stparagraph. It shouldn’t. I have had time to sit alone and work through it all already. This is their 1stexposure to it. They need to understand the problem, and then walk through a process of how to solve the problem. If I give them the solution immediately, they are not ready for it.  

The 4-page document actually ends up achieving much less than I would have achieved if I had only brought the 1stparagraph.

How about you? Do you understand that victories that you achieve alone are generally empty and meaningless? Do you know that the process, building the team and sustainability are much richer victories? Are you able to be a “master?” Can you be mature enough to intentionally move more slowly, bringing people with you as you go? Even if you may be so clever as to be 4-5 steps ahead of everyone else, can you bury that for a while for the rich blessings that come from doing it with everyone else?

I tried to explain to him how he could easily alienate others.

He didn’t hear me.

The “Ta-da’s” didn’t work.