Reflections on Life, Being Human, and Medicine Archives - Page 28 of 51

My wife and I were watching the Wheel of Fortune the other night. One of the contestants was doing well but then he bought a “u”. There were no “u’s” in the puzzle. He lost control of the wheel. It moved to the other contestants and it never came back to him again, so he lost the round and was not the big winner.

I know how that goes. I also think I know why he bought the “u”.

Let me back up a little bit.

It was in the mid 90s. I was working as a flight surgeon in the U.S. Navy in Norfolk, Virginia. There was an announcement on the news that the Wheel of Fortune was planning to do a military week on one of the aircraft carriers in Norfolk. They were going to hold auditions for active duty military members. I thought it would be fun, so I called to put my name in. I got invited to come for the audition.

The audition: They had set up in a large meeting room at a local hotel. It was set up with rows of chairs facing the front. There were a couple of hundred people there. Once we were seated, they welcomed us and then gave us our instructions.

They handed out a page with a bunch of partially solved Wheel of Fortune (WOF) puzzles. It was sort of like trying to solve a bunch of hangman puzzles quickly. They gave us a certain amount of time to solve as many as we could. Once the time was up, we had to turn our papers over. We then went through grading them and they created a “cut off” to eliminate about ¾ of the people there. Those of us remaining moved up to the front rows of chairs.

I had read an article in the Virginian Pilot (the Norfolk Newspaper) before I went for the audition. The article said that they would be looking for “verve.” Webster says that verve is: a : the spirit and enthusiasm animating artistic composition or performance : vivacity. b : energy, vitality.

The next part then meant that I was going to need to show that I had “verve.”

It seemed like a scene out of some movie or television show. There were “Hollywood” type workers walking around the room holding their hands up in the shape of a square to look at all of us as we sat there. They must have been the experts on identifying verve.

The workers passed a microphone down each of the rows. One by one we had a chance to say our name and something about ourselves. When it was my turn, I made sure to do so with confidence and brightness. Honestly, I didn’t really know how to have verve. Those were at the least the closest things to what I knew might be verve. We went through a couple of rounds of that sort of thing and then they thanked us and told us to have our picture taken on the way out. Each of us stood in line with the same Hollywood types watching us and then they came way too close to my face and took a super super close up picture.

I went home. I had no idea whether or not I would get accepted. The audition alone was a fun and interesting experience.

The letter: I was off on deployment when the letter came. When I called home to talk with Sarah, she told me the exciting news. There was a letter from the WOF. She opened it and read it to me. I was going to be a contestant. They would notify me when they had a slot for me to be on the show. It would be sometime in the next 12-18 months.

The call: I don’t remember when or how the call came. It was several months later. They had filled up all the slots for the week they did on the aircraft carrier. I was going to have to go to California to be taped. They called and I needed to be there in 2 days. Sarah let me use some of her frequent flyer miles to make the airline tickets affordable. We had small babies at home. I so wished she could have come too but it just didn’t make sense. Even now I am amazed at how understanding of a woman Sarah is. Out of the two of us she truly is the game player. She routinely beats me at games. She has a great mind for them. It would have made sense for her to go. But the audition that got me in was an active duty military one. I was selected. Sarah never once complained. Off I went. I felt alone on the plane and wished that Sarah was with me. I had been dutifully watching the show and doing WOF puzzle books in training for the past several months. As I flew to California, I had my puzzle book out doing puzzle after puzzle, quizzing my mind, conditioning it, and training. I got to California in the late evening but with the time change it was still early evening. I tried to go to bed but the adrenaline was flowing. I set an alarm but also had a wakeup call just in case. I would hate to oversleep. It was an odd and fitful night.

The day: They filmed a week of shows in a day. We went to the studio in the morning.

The 1^st part of the day was a lot of legal stuff. They had us sign papers and explained rules and techniques to us. We were told how they would randomly choose which show we would be on for the week. We were told about using all of the clues that were available including making sure to look at the used letter board. We were told that they would tell us if all the vowels were gone so that we wouldn’t buy a vowel when there were none left in the puzzle. That meant that if 4 of the vowels had already been purchased and they hadn’t told us that all the vowels were gone, you would know for certain that you could safely buy the 5^th vowel.

They had a snack table with various cheeses, crackers, pastries, drinks, etc… It was for us but also for the other shows that were filming. I looked for television stars to come to the table at each of our breaks. As a group of contestants, we got to know each other. We were from all over the country and we were from all walks of life. There was a mother of small children. She was the warm and soothing type. There was a reporter for a small newspaper from the east coast. He was a negative sort of self-denigrating but in a humorous way kind of guy. There was a young “class clown” guy from southern California. When we had to have our driver’s licenses scanned, he showed us his license. He had worn an outlandish costume for his driver’s license photo. He had to convince them that it was truly him for his ID for the show. There was even a rock music AM radio station disc jockey from Los Angeles. He was a tall, tanned, muscular and confidant late 30s’ guy with long loose hair that constantly blew back in a perfect way wherever he was. If you picture a sort of younger version of Fabio, that was him. By the end of the morning, we had all started to become friends.

When it was time for lunch, we walked across the studio to a shared cafeteria for all of the studio. As we were in line, Alex Trebek walked close by with his tray of food. It felt surreal. It was hard to believe that I was really there and really doing this.

We walked back to our meeting room next to the sound stage after lunch. They had us pull ping pong balls out of a bucket. There would be 3 of them that were marked. Whoever got a marked ball was going to be on the next show. Once they were selected, they had them draw again to determine who would be in each position (1^st, 2^nd, or 3^rd). Those of us that were not selected would go and sit and watch their show being taped. This happened 4 times. I didn’t get selected for any of the 1^st four shows. I was going to be on the Friday show. By now it was late in the afternoon. I was nervous that I was going to be tired. I had been on an adrenaline rush for about 36 hours now. It also meant that if I won, I would have to come back on Monday for another day of taping.

The show: I was in my uniform. I had it perfectly pressed and tried to look as sharp as I could. The floor of the studio was very shiny. The studio audience sitting area was much smaller than what I had imagined it would be. The announcer was talking with the audience and giving directions.

Pat Sajak walked in. From that point on it was entirely clear who was in charge. He was a confident, pleasant but very clearly authoritative figure. He made sure that everything was in order and ready to go. He was not just a performer. This was his show and he was going to make sure that everything was done well. The announcer and everyone clearly respected him and followed his lead for how things would be done. Vanna was over at the letter board across the room.

The equipment was far more physical and simpler than what I had imagined. The wheel itself had sheets of painted plywood. The dollar amounts were literally just painted on a sheet of plywood. They would change out the sheets of plywood between each puzzle so as to rearrange them to make the game more challenging and random. The used letter board was on the other side of the room and consisted of a clothesline with 3×5 cards with the letters of the alphabet written on them. When a letter was called, a worker would flip the card up to show that the letter had been used.

Having watched 4 shows being filmed already I had become acutely aware of how important it was to be in control. If you were the one who was calling out letters you had control. Once it was not your turn, the others could solve the puzzle and it may never come back to you. Every spin of the wheel was a risk. You could get a large dollar amount, but you could also lose your turn or get a bankrupt. No matter how good of a puzzle solver you might be, if it was not your turn you were not going to get a chance to win. You needed to be strategic and focused on your game when your turn came.

Between each round Pat would talk with us. The workers would come to change the puzzle and change the wheel. They would lift up the big plywood sheets that had the dollar amounts on them for the wheel and put new ones down. Pat would talk with us while the cameras were stopped. Pat is clearly very polished. He knew how to make small talk and make it enjoyable.

Vanna came over also. She looked older up close than what I expected. On television at that time she still looked very young. Up close she showed that she was in her 50s. She was very lovely. She had on heavy stage makeup. She was pleasant and kind.

It was my turn and I was in control of the wheel. It was a big puzzle and I was accumulating some real dollars. This might be my chance to be the big winner. I could not lose control of the wheel. I looked across the room and saw that all the vowels were gone except for the “u”. That meant that I could safely buy the “u”. If there were no more vowels, they would have had to have told us. There had to be a “u”.

I hadn’t looked at the used letter board carefully enough.

There was still an “i” available.

There were no “u’s” in the puzzle. It moved on from me to the next person. The next person solved the puzzle. The category was before and after. The puzzle was, “Banana Split Personality.” Or as my family jokes with me about, “Banana Splut Personaluty!”

The wheel never came around to me again. I was not the big winner for the day. I did win $6350. That was not too bad for one day.

I had to sit and watch the person who won play the big puzzle at the end. I was practiced and really good at puzzle solving. It was easy. I could see the answer right away. If it had been me, I would have won the expensive Chevrolet Corvette. She didn’t see it. She didn’t win the prize. The taping was over, and we all left to go back to our hotel.

The afterparty: The contestant who was the rock music AM radio station disc jockey wanted to show us “his town”. I don’t know where he took us, but it was a few loud and raucous bars. Once again it felt surreal. He was a popular figure. People were coming up and hugging him and clapping him on the back. The music was loud. The lights were dark and flashing. I felt out of place. It was strange to see it all. I was happy when it was over, and I could go back to my hotel. I flew home the next morning. It was a whirlwind. And then it was over.

The lessons: What lessons could I take from the experience? I guess there are a few:

There are some wild experiences out there. The entire thing felt surreal. To be walking around the studios, having lunch beside Alex Trebek, chatting with Pat and Vanna, sitting in the studio audience, and even going to the “hip and happening” areas of downtown Los Angeles were just wild.
My wife is amazing. I am sure she would have loved to have been in my place. She never complained about me going. She is truly amazing. I had the chance to go and she was really and truly happy for me to do it. What a cool woman.
Life goes on. Buying the “u” felt awful when I saw there was still an “i”. It was a simple mistake. Sometimes simple mistakes cannot be fixed. Sometimes you have to just live with the consequences. I didn’t win the Corvette or the $25,000. To this day I still wince when I think about “Banana Splut Personaluty.” But life goes on. In the end it was one small thing. It was disappointing in the moment but not really that big of a deal in the terms of my life. “It is what it is,” and “Life goes on,” are both very powerful and helpful expressions. They have helped me walk through many a difficult experience through my life.
I did win $6350. That was pretty cool and helped with the down payment for our 1^st house.
I also won a year’s supply of Rikola cough drops. I was a little worried that Metamucil was a sponsor. Fortunately, I ended up with just a gym bag from them rather than a lifetime supply of fiber products! I didn’t realize that everyone got gifts from the sponsors. My show was run as a “rerun” once. And when that happened – I once again got gifts from the various sponsors. That was really fun.

The contestant the other night bought a “u”. He lost control of the puzzle board. The next person solved the puzzle.

I know how it feels. I understand why he likely bought the “u”. You have got to look closely at the used letter board.

He will be ok. It is what it is. It can be exciting and fun while it lasts, but life continues to go on.

Our daughter Margaret gave us a tour of the United States Capitol.

She is working as an intern for a congressman. One of her jobs as an intern is to give private tours. If know you are going to be visiting Washington DC, in advance you can try to book a tour of the Capitol building through your Congressman’s office. Or you can have a daughter who is an intern who can do it for you.

Margaret put on her ID badge and then walked us around a long line to another entrance. She took us past large groups of school groups in matching t-shirts. She showed us exactly where to go. She disappeared and came back with tickets for us. We watched the introductory movie and then as the large group of people started into the Capitol building, she guided us away from them. She took us down side hallways. We didn’t have to fight or jostle with the crowds to see things. She had plans for how we could see things. She told us about the different rooms and told us different stories as we went.

It was really fun.

It was also really fun to feel like we were doing something special. It made it even better because it was our daughter who was making it happen for us. I felt proud to be her Dad. She had her pass that let us have a special tour.

It took me back to childhood. It made me think of my dad.

My dad was a High School math and science teacher.

We were going to the high school basketball game. But we didn’t park in the main parking lot with everyone else. We drove past the school and around to the back of the school. We went through the back entrance and then through the wood shop. My dad had keys that could get us in through the back door. My dad had us take our coats off in the shop and leave them there. We didn’t have to drag all of our coats into the gymnasium and awkwardly hold them through the game.

The wood shop was big. The equipment was huge and a little bit scary. I didn’t know what all of the equipment did. My eyes were big as I looked at everything. I didn’t really understand what was happening. But my dad was taking us in that way. It was cool to do something that was different than what everyone else was doing. I felt proud to be his son. He was important. He had the keys to the back door.

I have never told him or anyone but this has been a long standing and powerful memory for me. I thought it was really cool that he had keys that could let us in through the back way.

He taught school for almost 40 years. He taught kids who grew up to be important people. He taught the kids of kids he had taught. And at least a few times he even taught kids of kids of kids he had taught. He left a huge impact on his community. He also had the keys to his classroom. And he had the keys to the back door.

My girls were little when I started working at the hospital. I had my hospital ID and the keys to my office. I could bring my family and park in the physician’s parking spaces. We could stop at my office and leave our coats as we went into the hospital. I could guide them through back stairways or elevators to where we were going. When I was a resident, they would come and visit me on call. In those days the hospital nursery had a viewing window. They used to like to go and look through the window at all the brand-new babies.

I would take them to the hospital cafeteria. It was just a hospital cafeteria. But to a child it could be pretty cool. They could pick out anything they wanted. We would then go through the line together and I would pay for everything with a single swipe of my hospital ID.

As we walked around the US Capitol building, the pattern stood out to me. I remembered being 6 years old and walking through the back door and through the woodshop to the basketball game. I remembered Margaret being a little girl, taking her through the hospital and into the hospital cafeteria and letting her pick out anything she wanted. And I was happy that for a moment Margaret could show us part of what her current world is.

What is this emotion? Some of it is pride. Pride can be both a good thing and a bad thing. In this case I think it is just fine. To be able to value each other and what we do is indeed a good thing. It is not saying that we are better than everyone else. But it is saying that our family members have value. They were created to create and contribute and bring value to their world. It is okay and good to recognize and celebrate those good things that they do.

Some of it is being able to share a little bit of what is important to us with the people that matter the most to us.

This happens every holiday season. In the large family gatherings, you are with the people that are most important in your life. You have the idea that you will be able to see them and reconnect and somehow let them know what is going on in your life. And yet, this often is so very hard to do. You have a whole host of things that are important to you. You have worries, hopes, failings, successes, and things that drive you and in which you are pouring your energy. It is only natural that you would want the people most important to you to understand. You feel like you should of course be able to catch them up on things. But that is not always easy to do. It is hard to summarize all of your current life with a few words.

It is like trying to describe a painting or maybe a song. When you try to put it into words, it doesn’t capture the power or the deep meaning. It comes off sounding empty – forced – contrived. “I saw a painting of an old man walking through a field.” Yes. And? “It is really powerful.” Ok? I guess so. If you say so.

You cannot in words capture all the subtleties and complexities of your life. You cannot in an instance pull them into your world so that they can feel it all. You want to. You may try to. Don’t be disappointed if the translation from the intensity of your life to an expression in words doesn’t go well. It isn’t easy to do this. It is however good for you to try. But don’t stress about this. They care about you. It just may not be completely possible for them to capture all of it.

I think part of it is that we want them to know who we are now. You hope that they could understand, accept and value who you are in the context of your world. It is not possible to do this by just words. It cannot be achieved by just telling them about things or actions in your world. We try. It is not bad that we do this. But understand that in this flawed world you cannot in a few words pull them to a full understanding of who you are now.

We long for the kind of closeness where we truly understand and are understood.

But it is a flawed world. There is only one who knows all of your inmost being. He is the one who has known you for all time. He is the one who knit you together in your mother’s womb. He is the one who saw all your pains and joys in childhood. He is the one who walked with you through the various friendships, crushes and relationships of adolescence. He is the one who went through the classes and the jobs and whatever has made the journey of your life. He is the one who knows all of you including the good and the bad, the lovely and the ugly, the successes and the failures. He is the one who stands by to grant you forgiveness and then acceptance (if you would ask Him and let Him), even with all of the flaws and scars of the past. He is the one and only one who can and does truly understand.

But you want the approval and acceptance of your family. It may be your home, your relationships, your work, or the things that you have or even what you don’t have. You want them to see them. You hope that they can see parts of your life and be proud of you. That is only natural. It is okay.

I think it is great to think back even now with immense pride on who my dad was (is). That understanding has shaped a huge part of who I am, what I do and how I live my life. I am very proud that he (and my mother) chose to be teachers. I am proud that my dad chose to invest in others. I am proud of how much he is loved in their town. I am proud that he was always a good, kind and patient teacher. The way that he handled his classroom even now shapes how I handle myself at work. I am proud that he worked hard at everything he did. He cared about what happened. He thought about things. He did things. He did a lot of good. Those things also continue to shape and mold my decisions in everyday life.

I am proud of so much that my father did and what he meant to so many people.

I am also proud that he was my dad who had the secret keys to the back door by the wood shop.

What about you? What do you remember about your parents? Would you for just a minute celebrate the cool things that they did? Can you think back to a time when maybe they had the secret keys to a back door? Can you think about how that has shaped who you are? In your family gatherings can you look for what sort of back-door keys your other family members might have now? These might be important parts of their identity that they long for you to understand. Can you see them in your children? Can you look for what is important to them and celebrate it? Can you stand back and try to look at and appreciate the picture or the painting of the world that is their current world? Can you go beyond the words that they are trying to say to try to understand what they are hoping to communicate? Can you see and just a little understand and accept them and love them and their lives?

I am going back to Washington again tomorrow night. I am going to visit my daughter who is an intern for a congressman. She has an ID badge. She can take us on private tours of the United States Capitol. She knows her way around Washington, D.C. It is really cool.

It is like she has the keys to the back door.

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